So wow it’s already been the weekend from hell and it’s only Saturday, I have to suffer through another horrible day tomorrow. I love it, people are out having the times of their lives and I’m sitting here worrying myself to death over people who could probably care less about me. Why do I constantly do this to myself, and yeah I know you’re all laughing your asses off at me right now saying “I told you so†and yanno what I’m happy for you, I’m happy me suffering gives you so much joy. Why can’t you understand that I want to be with you? I don’t want to be with Chad or Matty or Jeff or any other male I come within a 20 yard radius of. God, do you not trust me THAT much. And yanno I’ve realized something this weekend, that it doesn’t matter who your with or what you doing, if you know where your heart belongs, that’s all that should matter. So Karen, if he did this to me, I wouldn’t care, cause I’d know that it was me he wanted…and you can believe that or not but it’s true. I realized that philosophy last night within the context of a wonderful talk with a great person. It truly does not matter to me who you hang out with or what you do, as long as I know you want me and yanno what I trust that you do, and all I ask is that you trust me enough to feel the same way about me. We are never going to make this work unless we have trust. And I’m not trying to put this all on you, I’m not saying I’m mad at you that you don’t trust me, all I’m saying is that we cannot make this work if you can’t have even the smallest amount of trust for me. You said you trust me, you just don’t trust them; well you obviously don’t trust me enough to stop something from happening, to stop any kind of advance anyone would possibly make (even though, if you haven’t noticed, I’m not the most sought after girl in the world, so you really have NOTHING to worry about). But yeah, that is the current drama in my life. I don’t even know what is going to happen between us. I want it to work; I want to be with you. Decide if you really want to be with me too. Decide if you’re willing to accept who I am. Yes, I go out with them. Yes, I have a good time with them, but you are the one I want. You are the one who's arms I want around me. You are the one I want to kiss. And just for the record, no matter which one of them I’m out with, you are still the one I am constantly thinking about…I don't feel good...night.