I don’t know the past couple of days I’ve gotten really excited to go to college. Ever since Laura (my awesome roommate) called me on Sunday I’ve been getting this urge to just get up and leave all this drama behind. Today was really bad. I was so incredibly depressed all day and it definitely did not help that it was raining, that always depresses me more. I hated life today so much. I don’t mean to sound dramatic but honest to God that’s how I felt today. Thank God Karen was here, otherwise I think I woulda freaked majorly. It started last night after Kelly Clarkson’s dumb ass concert. I thought it was gonna be awesome and then she is only on stage for like an hour, so incredibly disappointing considering I was looking forward to this concert for like forever. Then everything jus went downhill from there. Karen and I were up till four this morning just talking and trying to figure out my life but needless to say we came up empty handed, no surprise there considering nothing in my life makes sense anymore. Then I got up today and it was raining, that instantly ruined my day. We just kinda sat around all day and watched TV as I sat and reminisced about the “good ol’ days†of like three weeks ago, when I woke up knowing everything was awesome and my day was gonna be great no matter what happened. I miss that feeling, I really do. Everyday was sunny even if it was raining. I miss it so much and I hate you for taking that away from me…oh well what can I do at this point, suck it up and try and live my life as normal as possible. See this is the shit that makes me want to leave tomorrow. But then I stop and think about how different everything is going to be, maybe I need it, but at the same time I need to figure things out, which I’m kinda giving up hope day by day because nothing is getting any easier.
Laura messaged me today which was awesome. We talked for a good while about everything from boyfriends (or so they are called) to pets. She seems to be a lot like me, which I love. I was so afraid I was going to get someone totally opposite from me who hated me and wouldn’t talk to me cause she thought I was a freak. Wow am I relieved, about that at least. If everything could work out like that I could die a happy woman. Then to take my mind off life Karen and I went to the movies to see Must Love Dogs. It was cute but made me so sad cause I saw myself in it and the remnants of my once amazing relationship. Life really sucks you know that. At least I got my daily phone call though, which always makes me smile, even though it’s getting harder and harder by the day for that person to get a genuine laugh out of me. I found myself faking it more than once tonight…and that sucks balls. I’m not myself, you’re so right. (I was told that tonight, along with ‘you can tell you’re mad about it, you haven’t been acting yourself’) But I mean rightly so. Anyways, then I came home and here I’ve been sitting ever since. I dunno everything is so messed up right now, and here I thought this was going to be the most amazing summer ever, not that it hasn’t been but how much more amazing could it have been, anyone who truly knows the situation and what it used to be like can tell you it would have been incredible. Oh well…
Ok so now I have to vent about some other bullshit that has been on my mind. I absolutely love how people, especially people who hate me, find my life so incredibly interesting. It is like grow up and get a life already and stop poking your nose into every little thing. Stop dissecting every little thing I say and do. I can say what I want, do what I want and there is nothing any of you can do about it. I feel like I’m back in kindergarten. When are people going to grow up and act like adults? We are 18 now people, not 5. If you have something to say to me, fine say it, but to be that incredibly obsessed about where I go and what I say is kinda sad. It makes me laugh really. I wish you knew how hard I laugh at people. It is ridiculous. Maybe if you all stopped obsessing over what I’m doing and start to worry about what’s going on in your own life we could all move on from this and leave the past in the past. I think I said in one of my pervious entries that I gave up all the hate and stupidness I was consumed by in high school. It is such a waste of time. You are NEVER going to see me again! Give it up. Get a life. There is no point in it, none, zip, zero, nada. There is nothing sadder to me than people who orgasm over “ruining†someone else’s day. Well guess what? I could care less what you say to me. I have way too much other stuff to deal with than what you’re saying about me. So let’s grow up and get a life, cause you’re not hurting me in the least, in fact you’re not even making a dent. I just hope you feel better about yourself. Goodnight.