so............. i hate the holidays... people are so much more fucked up during them.... anyone who is normally a very outwardly emotional person is made more emotional 10x.... fuck that! its bullshit the stress the tears the fighting sigh whats wrong with everyone.... i think im the only one who doesnt give a shit.. ---------------- on a lighter note i want to remove some of the crap on my page but i think i forgot how to..... --------------------------- on a much much much more personal note: so i have been thinking a lot lately and trying to break down my actions day to day. what i realized is thati have been so emotionaly scarred from Brittany that i have trouble functioning around certain peoples. It will be three years in a month sence we broke up and she still haunts me. I guess i have let everything go but the danmage remains. I haven't even thought about having a girlfriend in a very long time. Candace doesn't count because i really didnt want to get that involved with her in the fist place. anyway, like i was saying, i cannot trust people. its not just women, men too. or maybe its not that i dont trust them, maybe its that i just dont want to care to get to know anyone any more. sex does not appeal to me. i dont like blonds, and i would rather go to the bar and hear my friend play folk music. what the fuck.... i havent found a single person in 3 years to challenge me. to make me want to fall in love. do i want to fall in love, yes. will i, probably never again. i am so fuckin bitter its sad. so tired and lonely. i am the matchmaker. its so damn cliche its nto even funny. but i tend to laugh about this. i laugh about it all. but im still empty. in the end always empty. i guess i just needed to feel sorry for myself for a bit.