im so twisted in the head right now. i think im having an anxiety attack. i havent had one in a while. the last was before i moved. but im really flipped out right now. i feel lost. very very lost. i came on here hoping id calm down a little bit. i want to be home so bad right now. i feel like i just realized i live in indiana now. this is kinda freakin me out. i want to see my home. my street. my town. my friends. my mountains. my beach. my sky. my everything. its mine. and ive never wanted it more in my entire life..... i leave to go home on monday. so its not like it is far away, but i really be there now. i dont know how i am gunna feel when i get back, but i do know its gunna fuck me up the head. bad. bad this place has nothing overall to home. i want to go back. i have been tellin myself that i can do fine out here for at least a year but i dont fucking want to anymore. but i will. i want to see shit i know for christ's sake. see my shit. my shit.. my shit. all my shit. im flippin right now... i dont want to feel like a fuck up for not wanting to finish this. its fucking hard god damnit. i dont have shit for shit out here. nothing is mine. no memeories, no places where i did 'that thing at' or shit like that. i dont even know which way is north or south out here. lost.... thats all i feel is lost. ive been walking down the same road sence that final day of high school... so fucking lost. i want my life back whatever it was. i want it now. fuck me..... evrything! i left everything why the fuck did i leave everything... it has just been sitting in the back of my mind for i dont know how long, but the last few days its been really really bad. candace even noticed it and i kinda talked to her about it. i told her there was a good chance i was not staying here after the year.... and everyday it just gets more and more one sided.