so here i sit...
i know i want to write but i dont know where to begin nor start...
yes i do...
i just dont know where i am...
i think im a pretty shitty boyfriend...
and i am pretty sure that most people who know me would agree...
its not due to cheating or abuse or things of that nature...
i think i am just to simple for most people...
i have grown to love the more simple things in life...
i crave these things...
gaming, cards, football, etc. ...
so when i have to deal with and take on and tackle lifes more tricky adventures i dont have motivation...
maybe motivation is not the right word...
i lack the conviction...
here i am in a place where i have nothing but love flowing towards me...
i have love it...
i just dont know what to do or more so how to handle it...
i want things simple...
i think that i feel that in order to be a decent indiviual that i have to give up my simple routines...
but they are mine...
they have always been with me...
they are not escapes...
they are passions...
i work my ass off and sometimes i just want my passions...
this is also not to say that i am denied any of them but i feel as if i cannot because of everything else...
its sad...
sence i stopped gaming i feel like i lost a very important person in my life...
honestly its the best way to put it...
i have always needed variety and i am stuck with no outs...
i know what life is about...
i know that i dont have much and i am pretty damn sure that it will stay that way...
so i conclude that it sends me shivers when i cannot have my simple pleasures...
i want to be content...
but i never will be...
happiness is a temporary state of mind...
the same with sadness...
but if a person can remain content throughout life then they are the true winners...
i need balance...
i need stability...
i need a fucking lude...
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