So... I feel like maybe moving was a bad idea. I've become less proactive, lazy-er, I haven't been watching what I eat, I've been smoking like a chimney, i have no friends and have hung out with ZERO people my age. I didn't even get a job after 2 months. BUT I have gotten a deeper connection with my dad, i will start drivers ed in january, and (suprise suprise) I feel the desire to go to college. For these, I'm greatful. I think.. I think that for 3 months I have had a day off from responsible life. And it makes me scared into think that my life is going nowhere. Its honestly a first because I was pretty content with not moving forward. If 3 months feel hollow, a year would be practical mind-death. I want to get a job, I want to go to school, I want to have friends who care about me, I want a relationship that matters for once, I want SO much and it feels like its the first time i've actually WANTED that. I practically NEED it to feel alive. Like before everything was a more "well it would be nice if that happened". Now it is "I fully want this with full desire". Almost begging, despite how pathetic it sounds. BUT, in moving here, I have temporalily trapped myself, yet this trap has capabilities. Here I can get a full understanding of driving, I will no longer fear it like i do just when I'm trying to park a car or even pull up or back up. Also, I am free from my mom and her also trapping tendencies where she wants control of my life by planning it out to her liking. BUT my dad is only suggestive instead of actually making me do things. It's an odd way of parenting on both parts. Anyway I am stuck here because I feel I can not just up and leave a decision so quickly and retreat back to my moms. If anything thats the last thing i want to do. If I move back to Delaware I am getting my own place, simple as that. Even so, I can not leave until drivers ed it completely done with. I promise that. It's been put off for far too long. So, I just want to say I don't want to be viewed as: in need of assistance. I want to figure it out on my own. Its time responsibility is taken. Its time to become an adult.