Oh oh oh i know this one...its me..like yeah...being confused and angry and a lil distrought over my past with people who need to wake up and get a fukin life...god dam people were did u go while i was fading into that lil bit of nothing? huh CANT YOU FUKIN HERE ME ? ok now that ive got your atention riddle me this batman? " were do i go when i need a shoulder to cry on ? were do i go when i have no one else? were do i go when razor blades and unhappy corners are my only freinds? " well fuk that and fuck you....i get so tierd of that shit...i get so fed up and hopeless....find somebody else to do your dirty work...find somebody else to tell em you love em ...you dont love me ...not you...u never really loved me...u just faked it you basterd....u stuk up thing...you nothing....i hope while i was around u had fun..i hope you had a great time letting me be your servant for so long....get a life....so i can take it away from you...no body was ready for that one were they? fukin pricks....im so tierd of all these useless worthless people that think they know me they know nothing....i feed them my daily shell on a silver platter....while i sharpin my teeth behind there backs...these faggots and there "hopeless idealosities" ....dam you....dam her...dam him.....dammit - ok that was a rant...i needed to blow off steem...so dont be scared ....im allright as usual..heheh- OK on to my fealings for real this time...i wanna write down my opinon on something...marriage....cuz ive ben talkin to alot of people lately about it cuz everyone is fukin gettin married these days..so lets see marriage...its great...i wanna get married some day....love is a wonderful thing while it lasts...im jsut not sure if it can alst forever...but im allways willing to try and find out...when you wanna ask someone to amrry you what the hell do you do ? thats gotta be a mind fuck on that issue...i wouldnt know were to start.....and then later you might have kids...how many kids?.....boy or girl.....skateboard or barbies?...pink nail polish or black?.....what am i gonna do when there my age?....waht will i do when there don drugs and partying?....i wanna be my kids finds when they grow up..i wanna be the cool dad...i think i will be the cool dad...but i dont want then to end up in a bad place like me ...i want then to have more then i do ....i want them to fall in love for the first time and stay in love....i want them to nt get hurt....how will i xplain my choldhood to my kids? how will i xplain ym scars.? my life....my hate...my lust for happiness? will tehy me happy as a child?...will they loose there father like i did? will they hate the people that tormented them like i did? will they getthe shit beat of em by there moms new bf? will they love him more then me ? what if they forget me wqhen i die?.....will they loose there mom to some desease? or sadness and depression? will they wanna die by the age of 9 ? will they got locked up or kiked out?......these things are what roll through my head.....im a such a pesimist.....but i know that i can figure anything out....and i will fight for what i want....and i want a family...i want a wife...i want to lvo and hold thwem and never let go of there pale little bodies....and the girl i marry...i want to jsut be able to sit next to here on the couch and look over into her eyes....look at her and smile....she knows shes my everything...shes all i got and takes the biggest chunk of my heart...she loves me and we dont even have to say it to know....we jsut understand it....cuz well....thats how it will be...ok lol........welll im gonna split i think and try to eat something ( food eck )but oh well....Brittany if and when u read this...i love you babe...we are gona get married you knwo this lol?!?! .....yeah id kick my own ass if she could be the girl on my couch...sweet indeed that if that would be...that indeed would be sweet..yeah...hmmm....lol...DAMMIT NOW I MISS HER MORE....why do i do that?....misss...waht i weird emotion....but its worth it...to end up not missing someone any more i guess.....yeah...i love you brittany....rarr