hey folks,,,,whats goin on ? i just woke kinda...had a pretty bad day yesterday so im kinda eh...im just waitin to hear from alisha..i hope she calls....i messed up lastnigth and di something i wasnt saposed to do at the fukin judgement journey....it was so gay...pissed me off so bad that place...i hate fukin christian society today...poser assholes are all going to hell..that hole thing was so just propaganda to try and " scare " you into being a christian....if they have to scare you into being one of them isnt that kinda odd?...they were talking about how an army will rise up and destroy aql of those with out the mark of the beast....doesnt it seem like chritain socisety could be that army?...the scare u into believing something...if you dont do waht they tell yuo to do you get shunned and your a "sinner"....they also said that every one on this planet is going to hell...if fuking god made us and putes us hear on this planet then why is he gonna send us to hell ? even if our ancestors did bad things we didnt do them back then...its bullshit.....your going to hell and god hates yuo weven if there is a god...wich i dont think there is...were all jsut going to rot in the dirt and die....it pissed me of so bad...i wanted to fuking punvh somone by i got to the end.....and to see how it scared alisha and ashley....pissed me off even more....to see ti work on them and make them think it over...was allmost driving me to the point of wanting to cry...but then when this fuking asshole coems up and yells in my face WERES THE MARK HUH WERE YOR MAKR?!?! i fukin just smile and yell back at him RIGHT HERE ITS RIGHT HERE !!!....and thas what alisaha told me not to do ....somthing liek that...but you know i wanted to show them how much it means to me and how much i think there all stupid....even if there is a heaven and a hel imgoing to hell and i know it...i have done things no one should...and i have excepted that fact....so until somthing happens or the day i die im not gonna say a prayer...ill keep good wishes in my heart...lve my family and frerinds and espeacially alisha...i dont really know what to do about god any more except to just block it out....i really dont like christian comunity's anymore....so untill then im just going to kepp hope in myself and my freinds...cuz thats what i love ..my freinds...i migth not have to many freinds..ones that really care but i know they care so thats all i need from them....i jsut hope i didnt fuck up that night...i dunno what im gonna do about alisah except try to tell her waht i was going through through that hole thign and how much it ment to me to say those words to that asshole with face paint on...i mean i even new the guy it was jared ...hes a dick and ragged on my ex girlfreind the hole time were going out for 6 months...like im gonna take shit from somw guy id rather punch in the face for how he hurts my freinds when im not around...i know i went against alisha's wishes and did what i said i was going to do even though it migth of hurt her if she reads this...if you are reading this i just want to make my point clear to you and let you know why i defied you...i dint have to but i just wanted to prove a point for my sefl....but even so all fo that is really meaningless it was jsut a stupis mistake i made...and im gonna make mistakes hun...ii know you love me and you know i love you....if were gonna get any wer in our relationship were going to have to not sweat the small things that happen and blow up on each other like we were about to do last night, i had such a horrible night last night thinking about er the hole time...i pretty much wanted to die...i didnt know what to do....so i just said....i lvoe alisha and things are gonna be ok in y head...untill i fell asleep.....i dont know but shes proly thinking right now weather or not i really care about her and if i really do love her.....i know i really love her and shes awsome as anything and shes knows it...i dont really know how to show her tha i lvoe her besides all of the thigns ive dotn beofre..i guess ill just hae to try harder....i duno wht else to say right now......im gonna go work around the hosue till she calls or something so ill talk to uo all later....i love you alisha ...im sorry....