so yeah lets try this again, BJ stalker boy is mad at me, oh well maybe he's finally geting the hint.. hopefully. First it was annoying and i was trying to get rid of him then i gave that up since no matter what i did or say he wouldn't compute. I told him flat out that i don't want him, he's not my type, that i think he's a stalker, that i've trashed him to all my friends but all he can say is that he loves me and we can make it work, then I was just playing around figured i should get what i can from it, but even now that is getting tiresome. Get this last night he was all stupid bitchy because he didn't have $ or ciggys so whatever i bummed him like a pack of ciggys during the day then whatever, he asked me to go along with him on his driving work thing today and i was going to, then he calls last night being a fuckin geek because he had no ciggys or whatever, i told him i couldn't help him anymore and that i guess he would just have to tuff it out then becasue i said to him to tuff it out he started trippin out, like whatever, i just kept hanging up on him finally he stopped calling. then he phones at midnight asking me for some juice and whatever, he had gone to his bosses place and bummed ciggys off of him. Then he starts saying that i'm ditching for driving the next day (which is today) and like whatever i never said anything like that. So yeah i did end up ditching but whatever. So yea in the moring he tried calling me in the morning to go and i forgot my phone was turned off the ringer that is. and whatever then he came to the door, i heard the door bell but at this point i dind't care, plus i had only gotten an hour of sleep so i didn't answer the door. Anyway while i was sleeping the rest of the day, he called like over 10 times because my phone only holds 10calls at a time anyway he left a message saying we are done and he never wants to talk to me again. Whatever. So i called him to tell him the phone ringer was off and i lied and said i din't hear the door bell and whatever then he was like saying that he was going to call me back and i was like whatever and hung up on him. So yeah he hasn't called all day, i think i got rid of him. finally the stalker may be gone. Last night Mike called me, i'm so happy to hear from him, like before i was pissed off becasue it was taking so long to hear from him.(in the missing freakin entries) I love mike i always have and always will but i don't know. he's getting out of the pen in dec. So that is really good. I think he wants to ask me out again becasue he was flirting big time on the phone and he was saying that he loves me and that i confuse him. he told me that he can't stand my self-esteem issues and lack of confidance. I said i cna't just change that like a flip of the swithc but he seems to think it's that easy. I don't know. I jsut love him. I don't think we'll ever be able to actuall work because he'll fuck me up in so many ways on differendt level and it really is taking a huge risk with him because of his past, his health and his institutioanlaization. I don't know if he has really overcome his demans. I still love him though. My mikey my love. He siad he wants me to ditch bj (i've been writting letter and telling him all about stalker boy) anyway mike says that if i can't get the point across to bj to tell him that my old man in the pen says it's time to stop playijng and if he doen'st he will call his dudes to make bj get the point. Not that it will ever go that far, i'm sure i can handle bj, plus mike don't have anymore friends here anyway. But it was the setiment that got me. My old man...hehehe. JD pissed me off during her bday celebration. First she opened her big mouth about my addiction to her sister TD and her big mouth sister started asking me about my latest relaps in the car on the way home when her family aunt and cousin whom i've never met before where there, not to mention her hot boyfriend flavor of the month type guy. Like that is so embaressing and jsut wrong. Then to top it off JD and Nate dog where fighting as they always do when they drink and yeah then she accusseds Nate dog of wanting to have sex with me, like oh my god everone knows that he don't even like me anyway. So yeah needless to say everyone is pisseing me off and i've been doing the hermit thing lately. Oh and MILES K REID is a MARRIED LIAR, he made dates with me and web cam jerked off to me and whatever turns out he's married and i asked him if he was like 50 million times and his answer was always no. Like i guess i wouldn't of cared so much if he would of just told the truth from the beginging. Like it's his commitment to worry about fedelity or lack there of not mine.Then anyway after he told me he asked if that meant he couldn't be bad anymore. I was like be bad if you wanna, i hung up on him and blocked him from my msn, email and phone, erased all his numbers and e-address and all of that.Fuckin geek. So much of that shit is goin on and i'm begining to doubt that there is such a thing as a good relationship or if marrage is even real anymore. Like what happened to the sactaty of love??