. I’m so super stressed out…..stress about everything…about money, school, my relationship with D, anxiety about working and living out in Calgary, my family. There just is so much on my mind. I’m so confused. I feel like I have no life, no friends…nothing. Right now school is what I’m worrying most about. I haven’t been doing very well at all. I haven’t told anyone this but I haven’t been going to classes and have actually missed writing 2 exams. If I don’t do well on the finals, there is no way that I could pass. Even if I manage to do well on the finals my marks will plummet a lot. I was doing so well this year. I was getting straight A’s, so much for that. To top it off, today I went to write a final (one of the classes that I missed an exam in) and stupid retarded me, I read the wrong chapter and didn’t know anything!!! I feel like such a moron!! Plus I don’t know how the hell I’m going to handle this relationship with D with me being out there all summer. I so don’t have any idea if he is going to be faithful, and I don’t really trust him. Like he does stupid things when he’s drinks and I just don’t want to get hurt. Then again, he really has been wonderful lately. He is starting to open up a little bit. Like the one time while we were fooling around he said “if this isn’t paradise, I don’t know what is”. The same day he had said to me while we were talking about all the breaking up and getting back together that we have been doing in the last year and he said to me that I “have to face the fact that we are meant to be together and that I am stuck with him.” The other day he was drinking with his roommates and he called me, he was saying how he wanted to come with me to Calgary. When he came over a little later, he was like saying that he wants my soul. Like I know it sounds ultimately cheesy and kind of evil, but like it was the drunken sentiment that got me. I know he loves me, but I don’t know if he is in Love with me. We’ve been having wicked sex lately. Like it’s hot, this for him is a miracle. Like the man seem frigid when it comes to anything other than the usual. He totally loves what we’ve been doing but then that makes me think that he is in it for the sex. I hate being a woman, a woman’s mind and heart is evil because I can’t help but feel conflicted.