So last night was the big bachorlette send off for LR. It wasn't as wild or crazy as they lead you to belive in the movies...but maybe it was us..We went to Earls for Appitizers and Cocktails then over to the Empire Night club. No one was drinking except for me and the bride to be. Which sucked. There were no strippers and LR refused to do any of the embarressing scavenger hunts things for drinks that we had planed to play. We left early and whatever. That was it. The cool thing was we had a limo to drive us around. I'd never been in a limo before. So that was awsome. D called this morning at like 11am. He was totally calling to see if there was someone here with me. I don't know what the hell i'm doing with him. Like i swore a hundred times over that i wasn't going to talk to him anymore but it was his birthday on thursday and he had nothing to do and no one to do it with so i ended up spending like 130$ on booze and party favours for him. We were at his place...amazing he inveited me over...Later we just came back here and fucked. I was drunk. I got D to admit that he still loved me but it was like pulling out teeth. And ya in my Drunken fucken state i was like screaming out "I love you baby" which was just stupid....but i was drunk and i do love him but still that's just so wrong. I decided though i'm not going to do this anymore because he's just not going to change whatso ever and i'm not going to live like that. I've tried it's not going to be any different now. Plus he doens't want to have sex as much as me and mom was right when she said he never wanted to participate. I asked him to be my date for LR's wedding and he refused. Nothing is going to change. I'm not going to do that shit anymore. I swear i will be strong....i swear....this time it's going to happen. Love just isn't enough and i'm not going to settle just becasue i'm lonely and discouraged right now. Just becasue i couldn't pick up a guy last night or well...anytime latley that doesn't mean that i'm a total reject doesn' it?? NO. I'll get the hang of this love life dating thing eventually. even though i'm starting to get old and everyone is getting married and shit. Wish me luck...and phone numbers from hot dudes....hehehehehe.