latley for some strange reason ive been thinking ALOT about my future. ive been thinking about college like crazy and kids and marriage. idk if its normal lol cuz im only 15. i havent even been thinking about driving that much and thats in like a month. i also keep thinking about how me and my 'boyfriend' are gonna be when im a senior or older...yeah i DONT EVEN HAVE A BF im just thinking about the future instead of right now.

ive been thinking out like every detail about my wedding, and ive been thinking about me having kids latley. what kind of mom im gonna be and what their freakin rooms are gonna look like. yeah thats in like 7 years. may b im just weird...or super maternal which is what ive been told. to tell the truth i love kids so much and i want a kid so much...if it wouldnt completly mess up my life and future i would have a kid right now. i mean if i could still go to school and be COMPLETLY normal and do the same shit...i would go fuck the next guy i see and i would seriously have one now. thats messed up i know but i really cant wait to have my first kid...i mean i CAN wait lol but cant wait--its weird.

i CANT wait for college either. except the fact that i most definatly am leaving all my friends and going to CA, i cant wait. ive been thinkin about what im gonna do, how much im gonna party, and dorms--perhaps a sorority. idk im just excited cuz thats only in 3 years but i have to make it through HS first. lol i hope that happens...

its just sad because seeing how much i truly care about college, kids, and marriage...there is a small change i wont make it to those things...and other people dont make it to those things. its just sad because if i want it that bad there are other ppl that want kids but cant have them or want to go to college but have a dissability. or there are those teenagers that get killed on 'accident' that wont ever graduate or have kids, get married, or anything. its just sad. i also really hope my parents live to see it too. i want my mom to see my kids, and help me pick out my wedding dress, and i want my dad to walk me down the aisle. idk what i will do if they arent there.

well just thinking...
--marcie--