ok so today my life just got like 100% better [end sarcasm] my dad is still in the hospital but hey said he might get out tomorrow...and they might let him start walking tonight but i doubt all that. he hasnt been making any $$ since he started hurting again like 6 weeks ago so my moms pay check has been carrying our family. its not a bad pay check...she makes 85,000$ a year BUT...she got "released from duty" today which pretty much means shes fired. she filled out paperwork when she was off on dissablility so they couldnt fire her but thats why they didnt FIRE her they just sayed "released from duty" until they find a way around that paperwork...but its her fault seriously...she did take ALOT of time off when she was sick but the whole last year she has taken unneeded time off work...and it all adds up no matter what she thinks. she set ALL of our doctors appointments during the day ((which we all know can be worked around)), she took 3 days off when i was in the hospital even though i was totally capible of being on my own...then she just took random days off whenever she needed it...she took ALOT of time off last time my dad had surgery, and just a bunch of other times. all we hear about is how my dad does nothing and she does everything and how i do NOTHING...this week i have done SO much more than her...and no matter what she thinks i do more than her around the house and all i hear is "i go to work" well i dont know if it slips her mind but i go to school, and its not the easiest most stress-free thing in the world...i hate how shes like "the queen" who handles everything--that is the most wrong thing EVER. even today i was laying in my bed because i was SOO tired and my brother was playing playstation with friends and she was on her computer playing pool...yeah she came in my room ((which wasnt even dirty...just clothes on the floor)) and told me to get up off my ass and clean my room or do something for the family instead of being lazy...my brothers room is like 200X dirtier than mine. grrr then she ALWAYS makes me feel like shit when i ask about even a little money because "we have none" which i know is true now but then she spends hundreds of dollars on beer and cigarrets every week. and she WONT HEAR ABOUT IT...its not fair. i shouldnt have to hear her shit when its her fault. we had a 18 pack in the fridge and she bought another 24 pack and it kills me because i HATE seeing her drunk and now thats just another thing on top of everything. whether she believes it or not i want to have a normal mother-daughter relationship with her but we cant even sit down and talk anymore. nothing is ever her fault and its all my fault. then my brother can get away with whatever he wants and even just now i told him to take out the trash because i ran into it ((its his chore)) and my mom told me to shut up...then he was like "GET IT YOUR ROOM" over and over to me around ((hes freaking 4 years younger than me)) and i told him not to talk to me..and I got bitched at. now i feel like i have no one to turn to because even my dad is on her side because he doesnt know what else to do. she takes care of him so he HAS to be on her side. i want someway to get out of here and i dont have one. i have no money, or nothing but if i did i would leave without a second thought. i dont even have family that i can go to anymore. and my friends...their parents would tell if i went there and im not about living on the streets...but sometimes it looks better than here. i cant even deal with writing about it any more...im way to depressed and now she is making me go to school tomorrow when i was gonna stay home cuz its a half day. im just so pissed. yeah happy freaking thanksgiving...i have nothing much to be thankful for. its not even gonna be a merry christmas either... Later marcia