just looking back on my previous entrys are quite depressing. first off theres this boy who kinda has my heart and the past almost 30 entrys are about how sad and upset and how shitty i feel. all from him breaking and re-breaking, re-breaking and rebreaking and rebreaking my heart. why i put up with this, dont ask me. im in love and for some odd reason just want things to work between us so bad. but there he goes again, dumping me, ask me back out, teling me things will be better, that he will never hurt me again. lies, breakups more lies, hook-ups, hook-ups, (cheating without me knowing) asks back out, lies lies lies lies and more lies, cheating still.... confront him of what i have found out, more lies, denys it, questions me and makes me feel like shit on how could you even ask me such a thing and stuff like that. making me feel like im some kind of shitty girlfriend. when i have done nothing wrong. fuck! seriously. found out about all the fuck stupid lies easily been avoided by one stupid mistake. found out about the cheating. finally told the truth, crying so much i think its going to turn out into a flood. hate, sick to my stomache, know what i should do. know what i need to do, but i cant. i know i deserve better, someone who will appreciate me and really respect me. i thought i had that but i guess that went along with all the lies. i dont trust him. i need someone that will love me for me, someone that cares and respects me, not wanting or would never hurt me. never break my heart. love me take care of me. want me. everything a fucking god boyfriend would be. fuck is that so hard to find? i need to figure things out. and what i wonderful day to find out this wonderful things. since i have a fucking 6 page paper to do and i cant concentrate on it since im worrying to much on my personal life. and he said he was gonna call me. hahahahha fuck, like that will happen. i wanna get away. NOW