so my long entry didnt save so i'll try to re-do it in a nut shell since i dont feel like writing the whole thing again. so my cousin had her baby, Cody James, on May 1st 2008. in a nut shell: the shoulders and chest were too big so the doctor panicing broke his arm. so that was the first thing they heard before even seeing their babay was teh arm breaking. The the doctor without my cousins concent gave the baby morphine. then tried to change his shirt 2 days after the breaking of the arm and the morphine and well yanked his little arm and re-broke it. then more morphine. and my cousin flipped out went to the head of doctors trying to get a new night doctor since she didnt trust her with her baby since she broke the amr twice and kept putting it in meds without consent. and the head doctor said that she was the highest qualified! THIS IS AT SAINT JOHNS... Dont go there. i have been sick really bad for over the past week, i have no voice and everything. it interfereed with my finals and i couldn't even finish one. not good. then today joey and i almost broke up cuz of an arguement. he said that he would call me last night and try to come and see me since he has been out with friends and hasnt even tried to come over since i have been sick. and he's going to parties as usual without me but yet he gets all mad when i say that cuz to him he is juts hanging out with friends not partying, yet they are drinking getting wasted, smoking pot, and some are doing e, shrooms, and other drugs im not ok with. if that isnt a party then what the fuck is. i never go with him to parties since i am never invited since his friends hate me as he told me, which they dont kno me or have given me the chance so i dont ssee how that is possible. but i think its cuz his gay friend has expressed to other how much he wishes my bf was gay so he could fuck him and all this other stuff in detail that makes me sick even typing... so yea he never called or came over cuz he was with his friends. so i was annoyed. cuz i put in effort to this relationship and he never does, then he goes on to how he wants to change his life and try to find himself and doesnt know if i would like what he might do.... so im like uhm are you saying you want to break up? and he;s like no but you might not liek to what i might become. so i said if he started doing shit i wasnt ok with then i would step up but in the mean time i was always tehre for him. so i guess im giving him space now and he is acting like im controlling cuz i apparently give a negative feel when he goes out and "parties" which i didnt kno thats what controlling is, cuz i dont tell him what he can or cant do, or who he can and cannot hangout with, so thats bullshit. im annoyed feel really sad and like shit cuz i dont kno whats gonna happen, i mean i have been with him for over 3 years and we have been through so much so its hard hearing him and seeing what he is doing with his like... This is what he has done so far: still no car, i drive him everywhere he needs to be or wants to go,. he dropped out of Ventura College and claims he will go back soon but im not sure if he will. we'll see. and he just quit his job and has no desire or has started looking for a new one. so yea dont kno what his going to do with his life or how he is gonna get money or what. i just dont like being cut out and as if i dont matter. it sucks, this sucks,