its hard living everyday in the present when you have had so much hurt and pain from the past that still seems like it is effecting you. even though somethings happened about a year ago the pain never seems to go away. well it went away but i never stop being reminded. it sucks. so i need to really settle down and realize that i am lucky right now and if something shitty happens then it will and ill get over it. even though it could effect me drasticly in the future i just got to get over it and be happy with how things are in my life right at this point and not take it for granted.