so, I forgot today was my birthday! Until I got the text messages from TL, Misty, and Sia. Hehe...that was exciting. I thought I'd write a little about what I learned in my 18th year. 1. I learned true love is something you have to work at. 2. You can't trust a man just because you trusted him before. 3. Don't give up on something worth it, but don't start anything that isn't worth it, either. 4. Your temper isn't worth hurting others. 5. Maturity isn't something you earn, it just happens. 6. Love is fickle and can change with the wind. 7. Running away can actually accomplish something. 8. I'm on my own, as much as I depend on others, it is my life and decisions. 9. Work can be tough, but it has to get done. 10. I know what I want, but it is me who has to get myself there. There is prolly more, but I'll leave it at that for now. Seems common sense, I know...but how many other ppl are living by them? It's more difficult than one thinks... You can't stop loving someone, just because it will never work out. All you can do is go on living anyway, because what you want is bigger than one person to love.

Well...I'm not sure what I'm thinking. There is a lot to think about. I know what I want, now I have to stick with it. I don't want to hurt others though. I'm a orrible person. It is a compliment, but there are too many boys that like me right now. I don't know how much they like me, but really...I dunno what to think. Two Christophers and a Robert...who do I like? One Christopher and a Robert...ugh...but Robie isn't mormon...that should keep me from wandering to think about him...does it? I dunno what to think. I just don't want to let go. I really like Chris, but Robie is so neat. What do I want? When will I get it? Maybe I should just run away and hide from them all. I enjoy talking to the second Chris, he makes me feel good about myself. He doesn't mind that I'm a retard either...so...I dunno. I use to like him, but then he went with Diana and I went with Nathan...oh well...Maybe I'll like him again, someday. Never know...that would really mess things up though...*sighs* I need to be hit in the head. Joe called me...why? I have no idea...I'm worried. I don't want to talk to him, but I do. I can't help myself. There will always be that dark side to me... Ryker's birthday...I forgot it...I have a present for him. I should bring it over there someday...but I feel stupid, cuz I wasn't invited to his party. I need to just let go! Dang it...I hate emotions...and the lack there of...and all of it. The things I did in WY...made me not feel things. Now I feel things. Now I feel everything...I don't want to...I could be happy emotionless the rest of my life. I don't want to deal with the drama of human life. *sighs* oh well... On a better note...a week and a half and I'm 19...not that it does me much good...lol...but I also get to go home...that is happiness.

K...so I try not to...but Heck! I want to swear and throw things and break things again...so...I just seem to be bipolar or something. I can not believe how my family treats me...at least my sister and mother. It's as if I'm two or something. Well...I'm tired of it. She wanted me to drive my mother's car, because the roads are slick...then she drives her car...it's not her car though! It's my dad's...my mother said it was because she knew how to drive on slick roads...heck! I learned to drive on slick roads in that car! I don't understand and at this point, I don't want to! I just get tired of being treated so differently. If it isn't her car...then why does she get to decide who drives it? This is a bunch of bologna...golly gee it is...I just want to scream at them...but I can't...I raised my voice at my mother...but I didn't scream...I just...I... I give up. I can't understand them, and I don't want to... so...I give up. But I can't cry about it...I'm home...*sighs*

the 23rd's first entry...it's a special appearance from Emily!

K...so he is gorgeous...so what...and he's sweet...and oh yeah...I trust him with just about everything...heck...If I were in love it might just be the same thing... I can't be in love if I'm thinking of other ppl can I? So I could marry him for his back massages...and his smile...I love that boy. He's a doll... Why do I give a crap about Ryker?! I don't want to...he's just caused heart ache and trouble. I don't want anything to do with him! Then I do... Tell you the truth...I don't want Mars to go anywhere near him...and unfortanetly...I'm letting it get in the way of how I feel about her...I shouldn't! I know that it doesn't matter...because he doesn't love anyone and won't for a long time. He has sooo much maturing to do...but then again...he's Ryker! I've loved him for so long...I don't want to let go. And I don't know why her hanging out with him pisses me off...It just does. It's not jealousy...it's just...she's my sister, dang it! That's not right...She's betrayed me...Least...that's how I feel. I tried talking to her...but she doesn't care...least...feels like she wants his friendship more than mine...that's unhealthy...I dunno...I don't want to! I just want to cry... You know what I want! I want to fall in love...and get married...think of nothing but my family and no one, but our family! That's all...I don't want to worry about anyone but us... I'm just too scared. If it comes close...I'll probably run away. I wish He could be the one...could be the last guy I kiss...I don't want to kiss any more...I don't want toads...I just want to be loved... to be cared about... I need a counselor...that's what Vet said...she said I sound like my dad's beginning...I don't want to end up like my dad...I've wanted all my life to be like him...but I can't! His life ended in a way that I do not want mine to...You know he spent less time knowing me, than his father did him...I dunno what to think or feel. There are so many things ppl never talk about and so many things that ppl assume. What is the point in family if you can't get along? I mean really...ppl need to grow up and take on some responsibility. I just hope that some of them do it in a timely manner and do not need assistance...cuz I'm not a strong person...I'm...me...and I give up...I cry...I'm weak. What will become of me? I can't stand to lose another loved one...the only solution? to no longer love... I hope no one read this whole diary entry...might send them to some sleeping pills. I'm going to hit the sack and forget for a while. Forget that my mind works too fast and the fact that I feel as though I've lived seven lives...*sighs* I just don't know how I go on somedays...friends...family...I dunno how much it is worth. I'm tired of fights. If you truly love someone...nothing should stand in the way...but if they truly love you...they will make anything possible. To lose a friend for someone you love...isn't worth it. To give up your past for "love"...is not the real deal. Just know that you shouldn't change after you've fallen in love...you should be the same as before with the same friends and same goals...Don't ever give that up! Friends and family are more precious than any "lover."

this is emily! i'm creating natalie a layout for her diary let her know what you think!!

so...Emily and I were walking out of Wal-Mart, when like Mars Bars, I saw the Holy Sheep! And I exclaimed, "Sheep!" Emily then told me of Mars Bars and I said..."It's a holy sheep!" Thus we came up with a song to torment Brad with... "Oh Holy Sheep! Baaahhh!(sung very holy like) The Sheep are gently baaaahhhing. Baaahhh! It is the night that the sheep like to baaaahhh! Baaahhh!" Thus is born the song of Holy Sheep. Now ask yourself. Are you a Holy Sheep? If you are...then baaahhh with me, now!

It is done. I've lost a friendship that I dearly appreciated. It's both our faults. It's all I can do not to cry. I refuse to feel anything at this poibt in time. I'll cry about it tomorrow or something. I dunno. I just don't...I want so badly to just laugh like old days. I want to be crazy. I want to be me. I think there will always be that wish to be with her, but it is impossible. Love does have boundaries. He's a good kid. I just know things that change the stories. Sometimes everyone's story should be taken into account. If you're not willing to listen, but instead, just critisize...than what is the point in hearing the story. I don't want to be made a monster. So...I give up. I give in. She'll be happier with him than me anyway. I need to just hide. Steal away and hide. So...there is this boy. I really like him. I'm trying my hardest not to call him. There is so much I want to say to him...but I don't know how he feels. So I won't. I'm too scared. I always have been. I just don't know what to think. I am so comfortable around him, and I don't even know why. I enjoy just sitting with him. It's been a while since I've enjoyed someone's company the way I've enjoyed his. Course...i'm a crazy, phsycotic, stalker at some points...so maybe I should just curl in a ball and leave him be. *sighs* I need a hobby. I'm home. I enjoy being home, but sometimes...it's just not where I want to be. It's dirty. Always...and I always clean. I just don't like being responsible for this place. I have my own life, own apartment...I want a vacation. Have you ever wanted something you can't have. I want sooo much more in life than I will ever get if I fall to what I want now. I'm such an idiot. I have so little and I want to give it up for a few feelings...I almost hate myself. I am cursed. I will never be as happy as I wish. There are too many things involved. I just want to be happy... sometimes only temporary happiness seems tempting...cuz I never know if I can successfully get eternal happiness. I want always to be happy. Is it possible? Is it in my life? I wanted always to be like my father. Am I damned to his fate? Can I change what I've always wished for? Must I save myself?

Well, I do believe our family is cursed. I hope it isn't so, but I feel that is how it is. I love them all so much. There is nothing I can do. I need a vacation. This week is finals and I can't think or feel. I'm hiding in my bedroom. My boyfriend has to come here if he wants to see me. I'm not going outside. I know how people are. I don't want to deal with emotion. I want to be selfish and mean and heartless...not feel anything. I'm going to my Aunt's next week. I hope that will allow me to breathe. I need time to rest and just relax. It's hard to relax...it is. I'm not sure it is in my genes. Just look at my family! So up tight... I have three more finals. I've already done three...things are going so slow. I really wanted my friends to come visit, but I decided I should just go home. So I'm going to surprise my mother and come home a night early...ehehe...I love my mommy. I want her to hold me. My friends don't know how to act around me...some didn't even know anything was wrong til I finally said, "I'm having a crisis right now! I can't do this." I dunno what I'm thinking or feeling. I'm almost not feeling. Everyone knows I live for my nieces. I'm so hurt. So scared. I don't want anyone to hurt. I want to take it all away and hide it under my bed...no one needs it. Everyone has a good heart and kind spirit. I want peace! I want happiness! I deserve both! Only the Lord can keep me afloat.

After you've done all you can do. After you've cared all you can possibly care...what happens? I lean on God in trust. So, Nate and I decided to break up when he leaves from my birthday. I dunno if I can wait that long. I love the kid, but he just doesn't understand relationships and he's hurting me in the process of saving himself from hurt. I'm going crazy! Jon called me. It terrifies me. I don't know what to do if he calls again. I thought he was out of my life forever. Can't he tell that I do not care an ounce for him...I hate the idea of him...not that I hate him, cuz I don't think I do, just the idea. I don't know how strong I am. When it comes to him...I will always have a boyfriend...even if it is a lie...he will always be told he can not have me. Oh stress...why would he want me...why does he call me... The roomies and I went shopping last night. It was a lot of fun. I bought yarn (I'll explain soon) but they had not I hook...so I didn't get one. I also bought orange juice! I've never been a huge fan of orange juice...but I really craved it last night. Strange things are amiss! We played uno. It was sooo fun. I love playing games with those guys. I dunno how I feel about Misty never being here. I like her, but drama...I'm a lot like Kristin. I have two more papers to type up. I think that I'm going to get that done today. It's early and I'm exaughsted...(I was up til 5 or 6) don't ask why...cuz I just was. So...I tried making a beanie...spent two or three hours on the stupid thing...I'm sooo slow. Guess what?! It didn't work...Misty said it was impossible to save, but I could start over...than she just gave me an extra beanie she had...stupid crochetting. Can't say I didn't try...I'm going to be good at it mildly...I have to be! Last night I thought I was empty, yet this morning something stirs within my heart. Will I ever be good enough? great love and appreciation...for all those who can make it this far in reading. love you all!

Well...I feel better, but not fully myself. I owe Meg an apology. I know things just aren't the same. I trust her. Whatever she thinks is best is ok with me. I'm sorry I ever doubted her. I wish we could be as close, but it probably won't happen. Four hours is a long ways, and our lives are just different. I appologize for thinking you might ditch me on purpose. I hope you are doing ok. I don't want to hurt you. Sorry. So, I loved the dance with Nate...Snow Ball...so fun! I love dancing with that boy, even when I'm half dead. We have a lot of fun just being fools. We're good at it when we're together. Don't tell him that though...he'll deny he's a fool....such a cocky little boy. *smiles* oh well...can't get one that isn't. He's a good guy. He'll make a wonderful man, someday. I hope I will always know him. I don't know what to say about my roommates. I love them all, but they have issues. I really enjoy K1. She is just so fun to be around and reminds me a lot of myself. She's just really funny. We played games tonight and made cookies...Al joined and we bashed him with gay jokes. He's not really gay, but he's almost more feminine than me. hehe...K2 is so blonde and funny. She has a way of sounding really mean when she is just joking around. You have to know her to understand her sarcasm. I love it! K3 is so talented, but I can't handle the way she goes about things. She's a good cook, yes, but so am I. I don't think she'd take it well if I tried to give her directions to cook. I've probably been cooking just as long as her. To her defense, she actually thanked me for warning her about one aspect of jello. So I'm glad I continue to try and help. She probably feels the same way toward me. Misty is cute, but I don't think me and her click. She's too uptight. More uptight than me, if that is possible. I just dunno what to think. She is so dramatic and so "I'm right" that I just can't spend too much time with her...that's the way K3 is too...I dunno. They're all so interesting. I wish I knew how they thought about me. I dunno when Nate and I should break up. It's so weird to think about. We've been together almost three months now. I'm not sure we'd make a good married couple though. There is so much I'm not interested in getting into arguments about...I just let him get away with a lot. He's not ready for a real relationship. He is too self-serving. The mission will help that. He'll make a great husband and father someday. I love him. I'm just not in love. I'm tired of having relationships though. I'm ready to have just one guy the rest of my life. I hate ending them...I'm not saying I want to get married this next year, but it would be nice if I don't have a boyfriend until I'm sure he'll be my fiance...*sighs* I'm tired of people. Elder Nate Harris sent the family a scripture, "Doctrine and Covenants 6:33-37." My favorite two scriptures were 36 and 37, "36 Look unto me in every though; doubt not,fear not. 37 Behold the wounds which pierced my side, and also the prints of the nails in my hands and feet; be faithful, keep my commandments, and ye shall inheret the kingdom of heaven. Amen." I'm so thankful for what our Father in Heaven has done for me. To send his Only Begotten; and for Jesus Christ to give such great love that he died for me. I do not understand what I could ever do to deserve the strength they give me. I will forever be indebt to the Holy Ghost's presence. I say these things, because they are the only way I can show my gratitude. Therefore I say them in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

my boyfriend's going to Germany on his mission! My boyfriend's going to Germany on his mission! My boyfriend's going to Germany on his mission!.... repeat... over and over... and over... My boyfriend's going o Germany on his mission!

I have a huge sinus headache...anyway... My boyfriend is opening up his mission papers. He's with family and friends in Springville. I'm all alone in Ephraim...And yes, I've already cried about it. I'm gonna miss that boy. So here's the deal with my friends...how I feel about each one...you guys can be offended or not, just realize it is your choice...alphabetically... Katie - I miss her sooo much, but we've changed and aren't the same. Too many differences, but she is a great person. I am so happy that I have her msn...thanks Megan! Kellie - My lovely Kellie...I wish I could comfort her more. She is so beautiful and talented...she deserves the best in the world...and I hope she gets it. Kirri - My fantastic and wonderful cousin. I'm so proud of her...she is my superhero! I hope that someday I can be exactly like her! oh...please... Maria - She's amazing...too much like me for her own good, but amazing none the less...how's that work if she's a lot like me? anyway...She's engaged...how can that be? She's known him longer than she's known me...so I think they'll make it. She talks about him soo much and with such love...I love that girl. Megan - I love her with all my heart, but I've lost her. She hurt me...and I dunno what to say about it. I'm just tired of being hurt, and that was pretty much a stab in the back. I waited for her and than she went with Kaylee...She's wonderful and beautiful! I know she is going great places, I just hope she softens up. Misty - I love her too...oh I love all of you. She got me sick though...how sad. I know that she is a great person, sometimes I feel really pushed around by her though. I don't think she realizes it, so I don't hold it against her or anything. I don't know that I could share a room with her though. Nate Boyer (boyfriend) - gorgeous, dear boy...I love him for his quarkiness...he is such a nerd. He is a wonderufl friend...I don't know that we'd match for marriage, but we are good friends. And for once I can say that I don't regret anything in our relationship. What a wonderful person. Nate Harris (missionary) - I miss him sooo much! He's doing good I bet. Haven't heard from him lately. I hope I do soon...what a great friend. Ryker - I love him soooo much, but it doesn't matter. I deserve better. it's been a long time since I thought of marrying anyone else, but I finally do. He has sooo much potential. I hope he realizes that. Good luck to him...maybe if he straightened out I could have him...not likely though. Sara - My sister! I am really proud of her. She has helped me through so much. I don't know that I could ever repay her. She is gorgeous and will probably find a great guy soon. Good thing Derek isn't in the picture...she'll go far. Anyone else? My roommates... Kaylynn, Kimber, Kristen, Misty, Shi Chin, and Ling...wonderful bright girls. I hope we can share apartments next year too...hopefully Lisa Lacy will room with me... I write for the newspaper (Snow Drift) It's pretty neat. Hopefully I'll be an editor next semester...we'll see what happens. I'm sooo sick...I wanted to see Nate open his papers...why couldn't I? I still want to cry about it...not fair. *sighs* I talked to Shaun...that was interesting. learned what he thought he is doing...it's kinda annoying me. I'm a big girl...I can take care of myself. *sighs* stupid boys. I got a new laptop...that's kinda nice, but I'm too sick to spend a lot of time on it. I'm gonna go...maybe sleep...or just read other journals... hope I didn't offend anyone too much...*hugs and kotc* bye dears

If you've ever had a summer like mine, no matter what has happened all you can do is laugh. The tears have stopped and you realize everything that is left, is what you will become. This will terrify and confuse. Yet it may empower you to change. This summer I've earned a lot of money workign as a waitress at Pahaska Tepee, 2 miles from the East entrance to Yellowstone National Park. It's been an experience I will never forget. Once you've moved out of home it is never the same to return. Every time I return I realize how glad I am to return. No matter how desolate this place is. There is no cell phone service for half hour to the north. What a drive. I'm telling you that a hour drive is very short. I've been home for a wedding, then my grandfather died. I went to Montana for his funeral. Shortly after my friends father had a stroke. This hurt a lot. I love his father as much as my grandfather. I wish there was more I could do for them. I found out only a few days ago that my aunt also had a heart attack. I'm not sure how to handle all of this, but it is taking its toll. Pahaska is a special place, full of drugs, alcohol, sluts, thieves, rumors, and the rest of the scum that evolved in a pond...How do I fit in? Rumors...apparently I've been having sex with two of the boys up here. I can't deny that I've spent the night in their beds, but sex? do I act wanton? Yes, I've been drunk. I admit it. Not proud...don't want to experience it again...but I have. So that's that. Take it how it is. The swearing here is out of control. I've never heard so many swear words in one sentence before...it's unnerving. Keeps you on your toes and always working toward not swearing. It's difficult and no one cares that you don't swear. Now boy toys...so I was just fine with being alone. yet I always loved talking to him. Now he's working here. We almost hooked up, but he never actually asked me. I gave up...then he kissed my best friend up here...what am I suppose to think? Well then...lets move on. I finally get to go after a boy that I wanted to...only problem is...the boy does drugs 24/7 and drinks non-stop. He's gentle and has a good personality and never pushes me into anything. I enjoy his pure honesty and acceptance for who I am. Next issue...previous boy tries to mess up new relationship. I don't know what to believe or who or when...so what do I do? retreat and sleep constantly. It seems the first boy is the one I'm meant to end up with. at least that's what my tables keep telling me. The two tables that have met us have also hired us for different tasks. My true love wants me back, what do I do? I can't handle more rejection. even if it takes him a month before he leaves me again...I don't want to be in love and be with him. I've finally been able to get a hold of my second love. That makes me very happy. Maybe we can chat up the night. I love talking to these boys. They make my smile bigger. I must remember that I will not get to keep them though. Dreams rarely come true. Specially while I'm at Pahaska. I'm earning a lot of money, but is the emotional toll worth it? I guess the only way to keep going is to just hope I don't have a heart. Then look for it at a later day. Keep strong and enjoy what fresh air you can get. Love life and thank God for the small things. Without him I would be nothing. Without him I would not have made it this far. There is a purpose he has set for me. Let me fullfill his ever dream and great works. I'll write more later...

k...so I wrote back, "Just insuring my new car, you?" Him: "I wasn't...insured...something or other...Wanna hang out sometime?" Me: flabbergastedly writes: "not sure" He: gives me the thumbs up, nods, and writes, "ok" Then goes and sits back down... few minutes later he gets up and leaves. Weird? lol...it was funny. And a lot has happened since then...So... I just realized I like this guy, but he doesn't like me enough back. Which is a good thing. Then nothing can happen and I can't get my heart hurt...which of course was amputated cuz the best cure for gangrene on the heart is amputation...thank heavens. Oh! I kissed a boy back and now someone is mad at me...see private for further explaination. I hate politics and guys. I really wasn't planning it. He just...well...it was the situation. I guess I have to take responsibility, cuz I'm the older one. I hope he's ok. I just wish he wouldn't have...Still good guy, just caused problems. I can't let go. This is going to kill me. Moving away from the men I fell in love with...the men I've been intimate with. I'm gonna die. Sara will laugh at me the whole time and hit me along side the head...but I hurt something aweful. Good thing it's not visible on the outside...hehe. Have you ever felt that no matter what you do, it's not going to change anything? Well I'm stuck in Limbo...except I'm going to Hell...sure of it. Why not just give in? cuz there are still a few ppl who I care about what they think of me...*sighs* I just don't know how much longer I can hold out. It's like I'm dark and evil, but only on the inside. Does that mean I'm lying to everyone? Oh joyful! I appologize to all that I may have offended in the past. I will work hard to right any wrongs. I just don't know how much I can do for anything. I'm a wimp and will try to back out of everything. *smiles* At least I admit it. love, Natalie M.

So much has happened... K, so I went into insure my car and there was a man in line infront of me. He was writing on a piece of paper with the lady at the front desk so I assumed he is dumb and deaf. That's cool, whatever. Well she went in the back and came back we just stood there in silence. Then he sat down and it was my turn. She helped me for a sec then went into the backrooms to get someone to help me. While she was gone he approached me. He motioned for a piece of paper and pencil, so I found some. He wrote down, "Hey, whazzup hot girl?" I blushed head to toe.

Well...I'm still alive. Don't ask me how or why, but I am here. I seem to yearn for what I can't have way to often. I know that is human, but it sucks. I haven't called the disconnected phone and I've only driven by the house twice...that's darn good considering going cold turkey sucks. Today was a lot of fun. I enjoyed hanging out at Ryker's house. I love to hang out wiht Nate and Ryker...and James. He adds a little spice of his own. Quite interesting actually. I can't believe Nate is 19 and going to leave me soon! WWWWWAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! I can't decide if I want to go work at some resort or the boy scout camp. Camp MapleDell is starting to sound good. I dunno though. I hope Heavenly Father knows where I'm going and how. I love to wrestle with guys! It is sooo fun...but dangerous. My mom thinks I have cancer cuz I get so many bruises...weirdo. and today...holy cow! Ryker had me on a roll with laughter. It was soooo fun. lol. I enjoy times like that. And Killer Bunnies was fun. I want to play a whole game with him someday soon. That was great. I wish his mother still trusted us. It's kinda hard for me to deal with. He could care less, but I'm really hurting. I dunno. It's not like anything is going to happen. We're just friends and that's all we will ever be. I understand...let's not rub salt and lemon juice over my wounds...too many wounds too. Just let me rest in peace! love, Natalie M.

It was sooo fun. I wonder if Meg is going to Matt's thing. I should call and see. I think I'll do that right now. He was having a scone party. It's his birthday. He's sixteen...maybe I can go on a date with him! lol...j/k I can't do that. It was fun though. We talked about everything and laughed about nonstop. It seemed like a really short ride. I opened up to Megan and it felt good. I trust her again. It's such a load off the back to trust her again...it's been like a hole in my chest and an extra rock in my stomach. I miss that girl...we should drug her father and make him let her hang out with me again...I need my Megan! Ok...anyway... Nate is now 19. freaky...and he's having a party that Doug is throwing...I guess. still a little confused. I miss that boy. Maybe he'll get me a job if I can't get myself one. Sara got a job without me...I'm going to cry. Maybe I can make the guy like me enough to let us work together. It's not like we'd have the same job anyway...*sighs* at least she helped me fill out applications... Let's see what tomorrow brings...like sleeping in! oh please oh please! love, Natalie M.

So I started hanging out with Sean. He's cool, but I'm not as attracted to him as he is to me. So I backed off...I was his first kiss. He made me laugh. I could be myself around him. I just wish it was a better timing. I'm in Creative Writing and having so much fun with it. Reeder is a funny man. PE was funny, cuz I told the teacher I couldn't do everything. She made me get a doctors note and it read, "has had major surgery should be excused from running and abdominal muscle strengthening exercizes"...it was funny. That is by far the best way to get out of that forced labor they give you a grade on to get you "fit." Stupid educational mentor idiots... I have full tuition to Snow because of my ACT. I'm going. I am still waiting for the music department to get ahold of me...I hope I get a scholarship from there...*sighs* Mom and I are going down there to register for classes and look at housing this month. Scary! I'm growing up. I'm hoping to work in Jackson this summer...let's see how that goes. I have an interview tomorrow. I hope I don't get sucked into partying! sincerely...Natalie M.

I have so much to write, but I'm gonna have to write it on the private one...hehe...anyway...I just want to say, I'm back!