Well...I'm still alive. Don't ask me how or why, but I am here. I seem to yearn for what I can't have way to often. I know that is human, but it sucks. I haven't called the disconnected phone and I've only driven by the house twice...that's darn good considering going cold turkey sucks. Today was a lot of fun. I enjoyed hanging out at Ryker's house. I love to hang out wiht Nate and Ryker...and James. He adds a little spice of his own. Quite interesting actually. I can't believe Nate is 19 and going to leave me soon! WWWWWAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! I can't decide if I want to go work at some resort or the boy scout camp. Camp MapleDell is starting to sound good. I dunno though. I hope Heavenly Father knows where I'm going and how. I love to wrestle with guys! It is sooo fun...but dangerous. My mom thinks I have cancer cuz I get so many bruises...weirdo. and today...holy cow! Ryker had me on a roll with laughter. It was soooo fun. lol. I enjoy times like that. And Killer Bunnies was fun. I want to play a whole game with him someday soon. That was great. I wish his mother still trusted us. It's kinda hard for me to deal with. He could care less, but I'm really hurting. I dunno. It's not like anything is going to happen. We're just friends and that's all we will ever be. I understand...let's not rub salt and lemon juice over my wounds...too many wounds too. Just let me rest in peace! love, Natalie M.