After you've done all you can do. After you've cared all you can possibly care...what happens? I lean on God in trust. So, Nate and I decided to break up when he leaves from my birthday. I dunno if I can wait that long. I love the kid, but he just doesn't understand relationships and he's hurting me in the process of saving himself from hurt. I'm going crazy! Jon called me. It terrifies me. I don't know what to do if he calls again. I thought he was out of my life forever. Can't he tell that I do not care an ounce for him...I hate the idea of him...not that I hate him, cuz I don't think I do, just the idea. I don't know how strong I am. When it comes to him...I will always have a boyfriend...even if it is a lie...he will always be told he can not have me. Oh stress...why would he want me...why does he call me... The roomies and I went shopping last night. It was a lot of fun. I bought yarn (I'll explain soon) but they had not I hook...so I didn't get one. I also bought orange juice! I've never been a huge fan of orange juice...but I really craved it last night. Strange things are amiss! We played uno. It was sooo fun. I love playing games with those guys. I dunno how I feel about Misty never being here. I like her, but drama...I'm a lot like Kristin. I have two more papers to type up. I think that I'm going to get that done today. It's early and I'm exaughsted...(I was up til 5 or 6) don't ask why...cuz I just was. So...I tried making a beanie...spent two or three hours on the stupid thing...I'm sooo slow. Guess what?! It didn't work...Misty said it was impossible to save, but I could start over...than she just gave me an extra beanie she had...stupid crochetting. Can't say I didn't try...I'm going to be good at it mildly...I have to be! Last night I thought I was empty, yet this morning something stirs within my heart. Will I ever be good enough? great love and appreciation...for all those who can make it this far in reading. love you all!