I've been sitting home sick most this time. Yesterday I went and had my feet zoned. I'm hoping that will help. I've been using oils like no other. I smell good though. *smiles* I just wish my headache would go away. Or maybe just my boredom. I've been reading too much lately I just want to relax and enjoy sleeping. I wonder if when my dad's dad walked out my dad ever truly forgave him. I mean it is my dad. So he probably did, because he didn't want to keep the grudge and go on with life. Not only that but my dad was always forgiving. He never really was mad at anyone for too long. I don't know if I could forgive my dad for just up and walking out. Then again, if I want to get technical that is kinda what happened. I don't really think of it that way though. My mom does. That makes me sad. I don't know if she will ever forgive him. I wish she could just get over it. I'm not over it, but I don't hold anything against him. I may end up wanting him sometimes, but I don't get mad at him the way she does. My dad was a great man. I'm sure Heavenly Father has too much for him to do up there. He's probably busy teaching and never gets time to look down here. I don't think that really, but it's ok, if Heavenly Father needs him. I wish I knew how to control hate. It's really not fair of me to dislike someone so much. It only ends with more hurt. I just can't stand the person though. There is no way they should be allowed to do the things they do and get away with it. Why am I such an outsider on this? No reason, just the thought that counts. Only there are actions involved. I don't want to get hurt...I don't want my family to get hurt...All I can do is get as far away as possible. Sometimes I wonder if being this vague is going to wound me in the future. Yet I know that I can't reveal too much. This is after all a public journal. Though one may not want to admit it I'm sure there will always be someone I could easily hurt...*shrugs* I gave up worrying about that. I don't have to worry about friends anymore. It's kinda nice. As long as I don't have friends my family is happy with me too. It's good stuff apparently. As soon as me and him break up it's like magic. I'm not going to say any more on the public journal because I don't want stuff getting around. Just wish my family could have accepted me for who I was not who I have become... It might be better if you don't leave a comment this time. If so many people are reading my journal than only so many people can leave an anonymous comment...