I know my sister hates this movie. I have a real connection to it though. It's following a pattern that I could handle. I am going to have to cut loose. I'm just gonna read lots and lots of books. While I'm at it I'll work on my novel. The new hiding spot I found will work just fine. Why do I not want to tell anyone what I really feel? Because I don't want to deal with anyone else's emotions. I know...I'm selfish. I don't care though. Everyone is selfish in their own way. Mine may show more, but deep down every human that lives past eight is a scum bag. There's only one way we could ever make it to heaven. I am so thankful for miracles. You know the worst part is when you can't go to any best friend. I don't want to burden him any more. I think it would be best for everyone if I simply dissappeared. Maybe no one will care much. Maybe they will. This could be a way of pouting, this could be a way of running away, and this could just be how it is meant to be. I understand some people just aren't for society. Cabin in the mountains here I come! I will never forget the friends that I had in grade school. Maybe it's just time for me to be something new. I can't just force people to like me and so I give up. Hear that world! I am me! I can't worry about who likes the way I look. I can't worry about who thinks I make a great friend. The only thing I can do is prepare myself for life after Cache Valley. I need to leave for a while. I want so badly just to be held. Just to be loved. Girls give sex for love...Guys give love for Sex. please...someone prove me wrong. let me define that better... girls make out for love...guys give love to make out... I still need to be proven wrong about it. All I want is to be held. If a guy can just hold me for a hour or so while I bawl my eyes out...then maybe I could believe he's not after a kiss or something. I hate being pessimistic, but I really just can't handle being happy at the moment. I suggest maybe no one should visit my diary for a while. Give me a month to refresh and make myself happy. Give me a bit...to sweep him off his feet. (I'm speaking hypothetically of course. I don't think he'll ever let me sweep him off his feet. Doesn't mean I don't want to. I would do anything if he'd give me half the look I tend to give him. It all comes in to play with my movie.)