oh k well i talked to leanna tonight, for the first time in a long time. and it gave me the perfect idea of wat to write my meaningful entry on, seeing as how i promised u all one. and cuz i dotn write meaningful entries very often i'll be expecting comments *wink wink nudge nudge* anyway..this shall be a combination of stuff such as, friendships, trust, and watever else i go into..and just to warn u, i have a feeling this will be really long Have you ever just gone bac and remembered grade 8 and the way things were? or even the begining of grade 9? well thats wat i did today. i realized how quickly things can change. going into highschool, most people r nervous and scared or w/e. but i remember i wasnt, and you know why? because i knew that my 4 best friends were going into it with me and that no matter wat happened they would be there for me, and nothing would brake the 5 of us up. (the 5 of us is refering to me cavell amanda leanna and cassie). But little did i know that wat i thought bac then would be completely wrong. we all said that nothing would split us up, in my grade 8 yearbook i have notes written by them all saying how we'd always remain friends, and one of them even said that nothing would split us up during high school, or soemthing along those lines. But unfortunately that wasnt true. the 5 of us havent hung out together in a few years now i believe. we all just went our different ways. leanna got behm, parted, and became friends with all his friends, amanda moved onto another group, and me and cavell did the same thing. I just wish i could go bac in time to wen we began grade 9, the days where we would all walk to school and bac together cuz we all lived in the same area. The days where the 5 of us would hang out on the weekend. i remember it always being the 5 of us. I liked it that way. I miss being able to have a choice of 4 others to go to wen something wrongs and knowing that they would all help me wen i needed them. I miss being able to know who i could trust. I miss knowing who my real friends are I miss being trusted and most of all I miss feeling like i belong I know that although our group of 5 split up, we all made new friends, met new people, and found different groups to hang around with. But theres problems with that as well. I dont think that i belong with the people i hang around. I dont think that they trust me. I dotn think i can trust them. and i dotn know who to turn to when something wrong. i just feel as though none of them want me around sometimes, and that they talk behind my bac when i walk away. I have also realized that if i were to not make plans with them, then i wouldnt hang out with them outside of school. it seems as though no one wants to include me in on there plans. Sometimes it feels as though im just the annoying one that doesnt belong. I just wish i could go bac to wen i ddint have to worry bout any of this. When i was comfortable with who i hung around and i knew they were comfortable with me. I could tell the 5 of them anything, but now i just dont know. Even though our group of 5 isnt together anymore, i still know i can still trust them. But i dont normally come to them with my problems. Well i have noticed that recently amanda has been the one i go to. cuz wen i was goin through a really tough time she helped so much. she gave me a lot of helpful and suppostive input to what i was going through, when everyone else was just all like awww and that was it. And it all really helped, i dont know what i would have done without her there...anyway.. bac to me rambling. I also realized something else. in a year and a half we have to do this all again. we'll all be leaving, going away, and it'll just be like starting over again. I dont know bout for everyone else, but i know for me that none of my current 'friends' will be goin to the same college as me cuz i doubt theres any of them that will be applying to fleming, and thats where im hoping to go. So i'll be going in with no friends. and im actually a really shy person wen im around people i dont know and am unfamilar with. so i usually have a hard time making new friends on my own, so im kinda predicting that im gonnna be a major loner in college. Maybe im just paranoid i dont know. But ya, like i said earlier i just wish i could go bac. but its not nesecarilly that i would 'go bac' cuz i really dont wanna repeat grades 9-11 again, its more like i wish i could go bac to the way things used to be. do you know what i mean? oh well. so ya that was my long meaningful entry. if u got this far than congradulations. its taken me about 45 min to write. so that just goes to show how much thought i put into this. i really got into writting this, its like 12:30 and i was gonna go to bed at 12, but like i said, i got really into this entry. so ya i think this is definately the longest entry i've ever written aside from surveys. and every single word of it is true, which is y it required so much thought. figuring out wat would be ok to write in a public entry and wat wouldnt. so i hope u enjoyed readin it, even though it wasnt for ur pleasure, it was for me just to write my meaningful entry about how i feel about friendships and the past and somewhat trust. so ya. now im gonna go to bed so goodnight