oh k well wats there to say? not a lot, well of course theres a lot just not a lot of public stuff. i'll start with yesterday i suppose, it was mothers day, shitty as usual. but w/e i got through it, got through the screams and shouts and the normal everyday speaches. so i was quite happy wen that day was over. today after school i felt so pathetic, i could ahve gone to the y with cavell, which we normally do, but no i had to stay online and hope jesse would come on and see if we were hangin out cuz we talked bout it the night before and he said it depended on where he was so ya. Well ya, we didnt hang out, so i was stuck doin nothing, which was a major blow. Its all jsut one stupid thing, i dont even know anymore if its all a mistake. like wth? it was all fine, i had it all figured out, and now im just so unsure and lost, and confused. and this weekend definately isnt gonna help much either. frig. i dont even know wat i want anymore, i dotn know if i wanan continue on with it, or stop and just give up completely and thats the end of the complicatedness. but i guess i do know that i dont want to give up on it cuz i do believe theres a chance, but do i want there to be a chance? thats the one thing i dont know. in a way i do, but i guess in a way i dont. ACK! i seem to be confusing myself a lot more as i write this. so i shall end this.