yeah...so.I'm feeling better now.i guess.i scared alot of people icluding myself.sorry to all that care.it makes me feel bad when veronica says she feels alot of the things that are happining seem like her fault.she'll probably read this so let me tell you it's not.if i hadn't made alot of bad choices things wouldn't be this screwed up.i've been honest with you this whole time.i just want you to know that.truthfully i thought would come back to me.i'm actually glad you didn't.i told my mom about what happened between us.i told her everything.even about kyle.he is a good man.he was there for you when i couldn't be.i want to thank him.but yeah,this will give me time to REALLY straighten my life out.i'm just really scared you'll find someone better and move on with your life.i mean it wouldn't be that hard.to find someone better.i think about that alot.i can't help it.your such a big part of my life.i meant what i said about that dream.i wasn't bullshitting.i never lie about my dreams.going to the movie was fun.kind of a tease at times,but it was in a good way.that movie rocked!wow,ican't sleep and i'm so bored.this moon boot thing smells realy bad.i am getting really skinny though.way more than usual.i wonder what it will be like when i'm older.an old man finally settling down someplace beautifull after spending my whole life travling the world.i'm hell bent on it.i hope your there with me.id want to be that sickingly gross old couple that you see in the park that love each other more than anything and though their bodys are decaying away, they still have that twinkle of youth in there eyes that makes them so.... beautiful.ah,im a weirdo...you'll have to excuse me.after not dying i have so much more ambition.i mean i have to still be here for a reason.i just want to know what it is.i just want to love thoughs around around me that i've never really shown appreciation for.make things right with those i've hurt.my ankle hurts really bad but no more pills till tommorrow.it's pretty easy to become dependent on these i hear.i dont think i ever could for my hatred of them is too strong.i'm kind of just typing so i don't go insane.i hope i get my pell grant straightened out tommorrow.ahhhhhhh(yawn)finnaly some tiredness!oh,yeah you two quit using my diary to bicker back and forth.i have too admit it was quite entertaining though.welp to all thoughs i love , sweet,sweet dreams and let peace be the journey.