blah.drama.blah...i love her.i want to be fucked out of my mind right now.this is really hard.someones going to get hurt.i still expect it to be me.not really...i don't know.it will be her in the end.if i would have went out tonight it would have been very bad.i'm horribally deppresed.i don't even care about spelling.fuck..he loves her.the same things i love.i hate it when i ask her if she wants to be with me and she says yes but i can't right now.i understand that.i hope she talks to kyle about it if thats really what she wants to do.i want to die.i really do.fuck iwant to no longer be here.it's no ones fault but my own.we should have went our seperate ways.look at us now.im like a secret.everyone will hate it if she goes back to me.well not everyone.but enough thats it's a facter keeping her away.i guess i can't fully understand that.i always made my own decisions and said fuck what anyone else thinks.i'm dieing on the inside.i can feel it.i cry all the time.now.kyle.kyle..suicide.bad thoughts.i miss her.stuck at home with just my thoughts.fuck fuck.it dosn't help.i want to bleed out.everythings going bad.i want to be there for her.i am.she scares me at times.she's my everything.my life.it revolves around her now.now.not then.when it should of.but now during this.i need a drink.death. things will get better.god i am a fucking alternative.tell me i'm not.if i'm not than he is.wait...i know.i'm a fuck up.i just try to be nice and do good things for people now and not be selfish and i still get shit on.guess what V. were at the same level!i wish something would kill me.i've already tried and failed.6 loritabs.6.i took six.that should have been enough.for my size.i'll never try again.i can't do that to these people.that would be selfish.i wonder if she loves me as much as i do her?i know we could be so happy together.School will set things i think.when school starts it will either go one way or another.the choice is hers though.always has been.she's only human though.but a good one.