(sigh) i'm so confused...i'm an advent child in a world that does not exsist.i saw the girl of my dreams today...she was sitting next to me.i had a dream about her again.i wonder if she still dreams about me.i'm scared to sleep.don't know why.just scared.i had a pretty good day.like i said the girl...anyways i might get to be with her tommorrow.that would rock...my socks...completely off!i keep getting these chances for relationships and i'm afraid to go through with them.to move on i guess.i mean nothing is holding me back..well actually alot is.my next relationship i've decided will have my all put in it.i don't want to just throw that away.i could casually date.i still feel there is somthing left though.i feel bad for even thinking about other girls.i shouldn't.she's doing her own thing.i'm so hung up on this.i get in the mindset to move on and she calls.tells me things.i still love to hear her voice say i miss you,i love you.it leaves me speechless.right back where i started.it bothers me sometimes.i know i'd rather hear those words than not.i'm the one who get's called when things are going to hell.have been for a while.i try to be here for her i do.it's so hard to try and be friends and not want to just hold her.tell her no matter what she's safe in these arms.my life is too busy.not busy but spastic.it's actually starting to slow down.i'm happy.gota job interveiw tommorrow.yeah!i don't talk alot around her.i think i'm afraid that i won't be the person she once loved.i know i've changed but what if she isn't into me anymore?i think the same about her.how much has she change?i guess if it's not there it's not.pick up the pieces and leave.she makes me so nervous now.before i had nothing to lose and just was myself.thats what i got to be.Cresten.