hmm.i'm begining to hate again.not really hate but resent someone.someone i used to love.friends?who needs them.me.but not her.i'm sure she feels the same.all i did was fuck her up.well i killed myself over it.3 fold goddamnmit.it still haunts me.always will.Ileave for basic soon.i almost hope i go to war.to die.not because it's what i beleive in but because...well.at least my mom would get $400,000.i'd probably leave 50 grand or so to HER to make up for how i wronged her.money.makes me sick.i really just want to be a chef.to make people happy through food.music also.i could afford to make music if i was a chef.Sullivan will be a nice college.kentucky will be a nice home.wow.i wish i could feel at home again.