"kissintherain
I think saying goodbye is the hardest thing people have to do. Especially when you still have those feelings. But I guess the fact that the other person is happy is all that matters in the end, if you care about them.
I just have to put all my things aside... All my feelings, my thoughts, everything. Im doing it because I want him to be happy. I cant keep bringing him down like I have. Its going to be hard, but Ill learn to perfect my skills at fronting when Im hurting. I wont forget, but Ill learn to cope hopefully.
What am I talking about, I know myself well enough to know that fronting just hurts more. It just brings the pain inside with 10 times more force than it would have if I were to be normal. Oh well... "
Yeah the pain hurts, still have the pain deep inside from the way things have gone between me and tom, its numbed abit having been away from school for a week, but gotta go back tomorrow & i dont wanna face it, i'll put on a front and be fine, or i'll spend most of the time in tears. unlike the quote, i don't think he's happy cos we're apart either, but that doesnt make it better or easier.
On a slightly happier note, I went to see "Goldilocks and the 3bears" on friday night, was very funny, had added extras in it to the normal nursery tale, like an evil village squire(chris), a magic tree, a prince, and some mild romance. Scarily tho, chris suited the part of evil village squire so much, in fact in some ways he didnt really need to do much acting at all. very few people would know that tho, i've seen the way he can be, and several of the on stage things reminded me of that. and whilst i found it funny then & laughed, its also quite scary, and scary how easily i can let my barriers down.
a quick general update since mon, i've been to work, thats still great, and my manager has a lot of hope and faith in me, and thinks i'm a star. the orthodontist phoned to say my brace hadnt arrived so should be getting it this week. i've been ice skating, and to the panto, and made some decoupage cards. between going to work i've attempted schoolwork but havent been particuarly successful there, my brain has switched off and i'm exhausted.
Thats all for now, take care xxx
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