Okay, I was wrong when I thought I knew myself well. I can't even tell what's bugging me anymore. I don't know if it's because of the breakup, whether I need to talk to Kyle, my new/old crush, stress from school, one of those things that I STILL haven't worked out, or if it's just this diet driving me insane. But I don't know. It was terrifying. Earlier today I was microwaving some leftovers from yesterday, and I pulled out a fork to stirr it up, and the thought of stabbing myself with it was the most comforting idea I've ever thought. I haven't wanted to hurt myself like that before. Fuck. I need a new stress reliever. And now, I'm being stupid and rereading the e-mails that Sid and I sent over the summer. I don't know why I'm doing it to myself. It's the last thing I should be doing. But Sid is acting weird again. I mean, nowhere near as weird as he was acting last year, but still weird. And I am far too troubled already to stress over him AGAIN. I just hate it. We have no classes together and we never hang out at lunch because he always has something going. The only time I get to talk to him is before school, but that's when everyone else is there too, and when everyone else is around he doesn't notice me. I can't expect him to change that, and I know that isn't really his fault, but I'm just sick of it. The most I get from him is a hug now. Screw it. I'm sick of big groups, and I'm sick of everyone talking at once and no one talking to me. God, I want to be a loner so bad, but people just wont let me. Grrrrr. *** Plus everyone I could count on before isn't here anymore. I haven't talked to Jordan in so long, and I need to desperately. I just need to cry right now.