Its Friday night... I have so many opportunities to be out but I choose to stay home, Why? I dont know. A friend of mines band was gonna play at the door in deep ellum, I didnt go. Gabe asked if i wanted to go to a movie, I didnt go. My friend jeff is having a party tonight, i didnt go. Zach is in town and asked if i wanted to go out with him, I said no. I dont know what my deal is, I'm just not in the mood to go out or do anything. I hate being alone like this! I dont know what is. I dont know if its depression or what. Right now, thats what I'm gonna call it. I hate the fact that I have so many friends and so many opprotunities to go out and have fun, but i dont. I was talking to a Friend of mine today and i was telling him about everything that i had been going through and he didnt get it.He was telling me how lucky i was and he didnt understand what was wrong with me. He got mad cause i wasnt listening to him. I mean i really dont know what my deal is, but whatever it is, its really hard to get rid of. I was telling him about my past. I've known this guy for about 5 or 6 years and he has always been like a big brother to me. When i told him about my past he didnt get it and he was scared. When i was like in 7th or 8th grade, i used to cut myself. i had scars all over my legs and very small ones on my arms. It was nothing big but he freaked out. I once tried to commit suicide but i didnt have the guts. He got really freaked out when i told him this and he got mad. I didnt know what to tell him. I didnt know what to say my reasons for all of this was. back then i didnt know what i wanted, i was lost. It got worst when i was a sophmore in high school... When i was young, i never really had a father in my life. When i was about 2 my great uncle came to live with us. Me and him clicked and the rest is history. HE WAS MAY DAD! He did everything a dad was supposed to do. He taught me how to ride a bike, he played with me. He supported me in many ways cause my mom couldnt do it alone. I would always think to myself "how is life gonna be without him" and on November 2, 2001, reality hit! I just happened to be home from school, and my uncle hadnt been home in about a day. He had not come home before but this time, i just felt something. I was on the phone with my friend Mari and we were talking about the football game we were gonna perform at that night. And i was telling her how he hadnt come home and i said "We dont know where is, for all we know, he could be dead." And sure enough, he was. The detective people came to the house and as soon as i heard the door bell ring...i knew it. I stayed in my room and cried for hours. I didnt go to school for a week. I didnt know what i was gonna go, i was lost. I think that was the moment that i thought i needed someone. No one can EVER take his place but now im alone. I LOVE YOU UNCLE RABBIT AND YOU WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY HEART!!