So what is there. Its amazing how different you can start to feel after a few days. Only thing now is the confliction of the old me the bad me and the me that is finding his way once again. Far from home keeps my wife from seeing me and all she can see is my words that she still sees coming from the me she dispises. I want her to see me come back to myself first that way when I come back for her I am that man she fell inlove with its just hard to do at a distance. But over all it is better for me in the end even if I were to fail at showing her. I am back to eating healthy and I have had some fun being back in the gym trying to work my body back to its former glory. I know I still have a ways to go in that matter but starting is the hard part now all I have to do is keep it up. but eh that shouldnt be to hard I used to love working out. I think I have figured out a lot of stuff lately. For one all I want out of life is the same thing everyone else wants is to be happy. I know that being with my wife makes me happy and I remember that it used to make me feel even better knowing she was happy to be with me. I know becomeing a father made me happy. I know that being in shape made me happy or at least know that other people could tell you know. I remember the days when I could be cocky about myself the way I looked well I think its time to get back to that so its back to the running its back to he weight lifting its time for me to get back to being more. Back to being motivated. I think I forgot a lot more than I thought lol. Where did that motivation come from well the same place its going to come from this time. From the disired to be better not only for myself but for her and my little girl I may not be able to hold onto my wife but I will always have my little girl and I will always be there for her. So here is my promise to my wife to my daughter to my friends and to myself. I will be better. It may be impossable to be perfect but I will do everything in my power to make sure that I am the closest thing to it.