I find it funny to look back over all this. The thoughts the feeling tied to each entry. I am not even sure they I came to read it.

I guess the point of this is to let out my thoughts. I think I have finally managed to lose my mind. I find it the easiest way to live. I wake up with not a care in the world. I fine though that when you let go of all the bad things you also lose all the good. No more pain = no more joy.

How did I get to this point well that is a very long story that has been told to many time already. We can leave it at the point when I hit rock bottom and decided that I did want to feel anymore.

I wonder how long this state will last. Is it possible to never feel again. So time I hope that it does that I never have to feel some things ever again. Though I have to admit I do miss the good feeling.

I spend all my life wanting to be surrounded by honesty. To reach that I make myself honest to all those that I speak with. The only person I continued to lie to was myself. It seems that if you lie long enough it becomes what it real and what was in its place slowly fades to nothing. The life became the lie.

Did I ever really care...did I really love? Did I ever really stop loving? I dont know anymore. Do I really beleive what I am saying...I have no clue. Its funny becasue life is so simple yet I keep complicating it beyond what I should.