I have no clue where to start with this email. I know I have a lot to say to you and I really don’t like doing it this way but I have something I want to say that I want you to see and well you can have this email as proof of my word. I know that the way you look at me has changed dramatically from the way it was when we first met. I went from someone you want to see to someone you rather have nothing to do with. So after many nights of just sitting around thinking back on everything and how I feel about everything I just want you to know what I have had going to my head for the last almost 2 years that we have been married. Actually I want you to know exactly what I was thing always from the day that I first met you. So I guess there is no better place to start than from the very beginning. I was 16 had just started getting tired of really being alone but I never really shared that with anyone but then again I could never find anyone that was someone I would want to be around in a more than friends type of relationship. I came into school that day like I usually did a little early because well I liked the being there with enough time to talk to people you know. I went to sit with one of my friends in the usual place. That morning someone new had came to the table a young girl 14 had made her way there to talk to my friend. The lunch room was crowed as usual and well there was nowhere for her to sit. I knew that she didn’t know me but that didn’t matter so I offered her a place to sit on half the little circle that my big ass was in. It was then as we sat there talking that I noticed something different. This girl just couldn’t stop making me smile. Just being there talking to her. I turned into a blubbering idiot and didn’t know why. That day was a Friday and off she went after school was over to spend the weekend with a friend in FL. Well me and my friend go to the same church and it was there that I found that he had her number. Strangely I actually found myself jealous. I wanted to be the one that was talking to her. Then next day came Monday we were all now once again a school I sat there once again talking to her. Then again during our lunch period we sat and talked again. It was this time that she expressed an interest in me. It was then that I knew that I wanted to make this girl more to me than a friend. So that afternoon I met up with her once again to get her number. And we talked for a while till I needed to head home. The next day while talking to her on the phone we finally decided that we would become a couple. Later that week I went to her house and that day she sang me a song that I will never forget she made me feel like someone actually wanted to be with me and it felt so good and that day we shared our first kiss. And though I never admitted it that night I knew I was in love with this girl. Time skip forward as it does. I had a fight one night with my father and decided to run. I had no clue where to run all I knew is that I needed someone to be with. So I ran toward her house. After over 20 miles I just couldn’t run anymore I didn’t make it my feet were bleeding and I had no more breath left in me. So I turned back. That Sunday she asked if I wanted to go to church with her and of course I said yes. It was that night in the back of her grandmother's car that she told me she loved me for the first time. And without even a moment of hesitation I told her I loved her too. Time again began to move forward. A few days later once again together after a long day and after fighting with my family I made a decision to just drive away. I couldn’t believe that she actually got in the car with me and together we took of not even really knowing where to go. And it was then that I first asked her to be my wife. I was completely shocked when she looked to me and said yes. I have never before felt such happiness. From then on I knew that if I had her I wouldn’t need anything else in my life. The trip ended and we were drug back to the same old town. It was there that I was taken to the side I told about my fate. I was looking at a long time away from here away from anyone in a place I know I didn’t want to go. I was told then that I had two choices one stay fight the system and lose or join the military and leave her alone. I refused to leave her but I told them I would join something. And time moved on. We continued to see each other less often that I wanted to but at least I was getting to see her. I got a phone call one day she said she was going to take the test and I couldn’t believe when she told me the result. I was happy and at the dame time terrified. And my heart was nearly broken of April 5 2003 we that life was no longer with us. Once again the law stood on my door step telling me of my options and once again I refused to let her go. I would not stop seeing her and once again agreed that I would join the military. Time went on and one day at the girls work I found her upset she had mad a decision that tore me inside. She wanted me to go. And so I left I cried and I cried. It wasn’t to long before once again we were together again. From then on I knew I just wanted to be there in her life to make her happy. And once again time continued to a point where she grew tired of my company. This time leaving me for a friend of mine. And against everything in me I tried to help her be with him. After that time I tried to move on. I was already obligated to the navy and that is here I went 6 moths passes for the day I had left the town before I had returned and the first place I wanted to be was where she was. I found myself sitting in front of the school parked in my mothers car staring at the car I knew the girl has driven there in. I wanted so bad to get out and go in but I just couldn't so I drove away. again time moved and I finally found the courage to speak to her. But I never could be brave enough to tell her the words I had in my heart. Again time jumped forward I found myself thousands of miles from all that I knew. In a country that confused me but my mind remained on that girl. Almost a year passed now and I found myself leavening her a comment on her online diary and not long she responded with something that I had hope for the whole time. She said she loved me. I couldn’t believe it she actually still loved me. So we began to talk again and it wasn’t long that I flew home and made this girl my wife. Not long passed and I brought her to live with me in Japan. It was there that I talked her into starting a family again. And not long she was pregnant with our beautiful baby girl. Its wasn’t but a few weeks after that , that I was made to leave. They told me one day I would be back and that nothing would change boy were they wrong. Time passed and I finally returned and there was a big change but I thought it was her and to my surprise I found out later that it was me that had changed. It was that first mistake that I didn’t catch the day she asked me to meet up wit her for food and some how I refused not only that but I compared it to having to go to work. It was unforgivable how could I have done that. Again time moved forward. We seemed to once again be growing apart and for the life of me I couldn’t figure it out. I couldn’t see why her feelings were changing. Then 28 September 2007 our little girl was born. It was then like a new start she looked at me once again full of love full of longing. And again I made another mistake. She asked me to spend time with her once again. Once again I refused my time another devastating choice. How dare I tell her my time was to important. And again time moved on time after time I chose this or that over such a simple thing as time and I couldn’t understand why she was slipping away. She finally spoke up told me exactly what was wrong and I promised over and over to change but the change never stayed more than a few days. Then one night my heart was crushed she looked at me and spoke words I never wanted to hear "I don’t love you anymore" I was devastated I just couldn’t understand what had happened so I reacted the only way I knew how. With anger. Another mistake I made. Time continued and promises continued to be broke. Always the same promises to change to make my priorities right but it never happened. Now I find myself alone even in the most crowded space I hear nothing but her words and my own breaking heart . Now the nights are sleepless now my heart longs and reaches for where hers once were, but find nothing. So now finally after so long I believe with everything that I am I found the man that I once was, but fear now consumes my heart I fear that I figured it out way to late. Now she doesn’t even wish to speak to me. I know now what I must do I know I must show her that I am that man. I know I must remind her some how that she once loved me. So now hear I wait lost in a endless blue waiting for my time. I know it may be to late for me but I could never forgive myself for not trying till the end. So this is the promise to her I am and always will be that man you fell in love with and I promise to show you that every day. I promise I will not let myself forget ever again how precious you are to me. I miss you more than you will ever know and I love you always and forever.