So there I was my temper now flareing pissed off not only that she was not emailing me but about all the things in my situation which just makes it all the more worse. I can see her slowly eraseing me from her life the little things that she wouldnt think I would notice like removeing my name from her myspace or not adding my name of diferent online friend lists. It was one such list that was almost the last draw. I found the site that I needed to go to have my home interent company disconnect my internet. I was only a few clicks away. The load time takeing forever as usual lol so I just started going through my old Entrys. There were words there comeing from me that tore my heart out. I almost forgot how strong I was then and just how much I care about her. I was willing to suffer the pain. Just for her to be happy. Maybe thats what I need now.to just suffer. to feel the pain Just so I can remember exactly what she means to me. Its been almost 6 years now since the first day I laid eyes on her. and not a day of anything do I regret. I wouldnt ever remove her from my life. If she were to walk out my door right this moment tell me it was over that I can call her mine no more well then at least for a small moment in this glimps of an existance. I got to call her my wife. I got to hold her. I got to tell her I love her. Not only that but she is the mother of the most beautiful little girl that I have ever seen and that my daughter. So I closed the window aginst all the anger in my i turned away from it. Makenig her misrable wouldnt help me at all. In face it would probably make things harder. Though when I get home the internet will be ended for a while. I need to pull away the distration just for a moment so she can see me P.S Blair i know you still dont read this but if you ever do I jsut want you to know I love you