the last couple of days have been really bad actually. lets see....my week-end... **Friday** brandon came over. left at like 11. i dont remember what we even did. nice. **Saturday** i had to work and then brandon was supposed to hang with his brother but his brother was sick. but i had already made plans with friends so we didnt hang out that night. i did something i shouldnt have and i regret it. but i just wont do it next time and everything will be ok. no i didnt cheat on brandon. i would never do that. i just did something i havent done in a long time and it was really stupid of me. **Sunday** church, came home and that was it. brandon was supposed to come over later but never did cuz the stuff with his family ended late. so that little thing triggered the next series of events i will describe in just a minute **Monday** worked, washed my car, brandon came over, i'm writing this....now the series of events... when brandon couldnt come over on sunday, i lost it for some reason. mind u i'm very hormonal and the littlest things in the world make me want to cry or piss me off. that just pissed me off. i couldnt take it for some reason. so for the next 2 hours, we talked online and i was a mess. really pissed off, then suddenly crying. it was retarded but i honestly couldnt help it. brandon was being sooo nice to me and i was such a bitch. finally i went to bed and woke up this morning feeling much better. i went to work, planning on brandon being there when i got off. he called me during work telling me he couldnt come over and i would have to instead. i got a little mad cuz i came over all last week. so hes like fine i'll just come over and hung up. i called back, he hung up. then after work i called him back, we fought, he hung up. so i was all ready to just say fine fuck it i dont want to see him anyway. thats a lie. i get home, wait a little bit, then call him. hes pissed. he finally comes over but i really didnt know why he was cuz he was so mad at me. he walks in my door, looks at me, i stand up, we hug, we apologize and that was it. our fight was over. :) another thing that sometimes comes and haunts me is doubt. i have cronic doubt problems. it sucks. always thinking ur bf is gonna dump u, cheat on u, etc. i havent had this problem for months. literally i thought it was over. nope, its back and it sucks. i thought maybe it was gone for good...nope. but i'm trying to ignore it. i really want me and brandon to make a year. only a couple more months and we are there. brandon's my longest relationship. :) anyway, this is long and i'm out of things to say. So Long