i havent written in a really long time. i have a lot on my mind right now tho. its almost 1 in the morning and yes i should be asleep but i cant. i'm so stupid for the feelings i have cuz i know they arent true...but i still have them. idk. maybe they are true. brandon went to a party tonight. he was supposed to come over but he went their instead, which is fine cuz we see each other like everyday. and i know he wont drink since he almost died of alcohol poisoning a couple weeks ago. yea i havent even written to mention that i dont think. well it was scary. so i know he isnt drinking. for some reason, dont ask me why, but i'm nervous he might cheat on me. this is obsured cuz hes always saying if i cheated on him i would dump me and he would never cheat on me and i always tell him it would be completely over if he did. and hes a very trustworthy person. and we talk about getting married and everything. so i mean, in reality i know he wouldnt cheat on me. he hasnt ever cheated before. hes very much against it. i'm just totally fucking retarded and i get these lame ass feelings ALL the time and they drive me crazy. idk. i just...i'm gonna be on my period in about 10 days. its prolly pms lol. right on time. so thats my 1 in the morning bitching. i know these feelings are pointless. well, i mean i hope they are. i still have that worry in the back of my head. but why??? wow i drive myself crazy. CHILL! yea i need to chill.