**i really deserve pain and misery and death in my near future. well, i already have pain and misery...all thats left is death. **i'll be honest, right now, i dont know what to do. i think my boyfriend might have feelings for another girl. theres this guy who says he likes me or something and i'm starting to form a small crush on this guy right back. **i love brandon with all my heart and soul. i still feel in my heart that hes the one for me. my soulmate. the one i'm to be with for the rest of my life. regardless of those feelings, i feel something for another guy and i think hes cheating on me. sort of contradicts itself doesnt it? **maybe i'll just come right out and ask him if he thinks there is a change in our relationship. cuz usually when i do ask that, he says no and i realize its just me being paranoid. i feel like he doesnt act the same towards me anymore. **i hate life sometimes. i want to marry brandon someday. shit has to turn around and make u all fucked up and then u dont know what to do. **i'm lost.