its my birthday and i should be happy but i'm not. not fully happy at least.... ***i had school today. it wasnt bad. that guy that i broke up with my boyfriend for, which was the biggest mistake of my life, flirts with me way too much and he said i was acting weird at school today...its cuz he needs to stop flirting. its annoying and he knows i have a boyfriend. but apparently that doesnt stop him. ***my parents are so nice. they got me a gas card, which is great considering gas is retarded expensive. my mom wants to take me to get a tattoo, as i mentioned. but i dont know whats going to happen. i kinda want to go shopping lol. ***brandon came over. he was acting weird. sort of weird. the other half was my doubt coming back...which sucks. it had to come back on my birthday of all days. so that sucked. i have doubt to deal with, which is so retarded. i have hella homework, work tomorrow, i'm going to brandon's...my life is on fast track and it needs to slow down. its engulfing me up and its like suffocating me. ugh. i really really want doubt to go away. i was doing pretty damn good. well, it was in the back of my mind. i dont know whats going on with me. i'm all mixed up and jumbled up and i dont know why. i shouldnt be. i really shouldnt. nothing has happened to make this feeling come back. i dont know. brandon kinda ran out of here tonight, which i can understand. i am annoying when i have doubt. so...i can understand all that. if i still feel this way i dont think i'm gonna go over there. it would just be pointless. life is lame sometimes. it cant just be good and easy all the time. thats ok tho i guess. i really have to pee.... I love him a lot...with all my heart. almost 11 months. :) ********************************************* i've decided he doesnt care. its obvious. i should have seen it before. be stopped doing nice things for me a long time ago. he just doesnt care. ********************************************* well me and brandon talked it over and he reassured me he cares. i believe him. if he didnt, he wouldnt listen to my bullshit all the time. i just get in those stupid moods where i hate so much doubt and its retarded. so i've decided to just shut up and believe him. he hasnt lied to me yet. i'm getting my hair done tomorrow. getting my red hair back. plus black and random blonde lol. I Love Brandon