just thought i'd update a bit before i went to bed. i have class at 8 in the morning...so of course i'm gonna be f'in tired as hell. i hate that class. why did i take it? cuz i'm retarded. anyway, nothing really new. me and brandon are still totally awesome. aw i love him. idk...for some reason i wasnt all that happy like i usually am. he actually noticed too. he said it was acting different. as soon as he said that i gave him a hug and kiss and told him i didnt mean to...i didnt want him to think anything was wrong. cuz nothing is wrong. just a little case of doubt i think. i really hate that. it makes me sad when it happens and damnit...i went away for like a week and for some reason it decided to come back. it sucks man. i dont know how to get rid of that stupid doubt either. but since i dont want to bother brandon with it anymore, plus we made a compromise...so i'll shut up about it and leave my bitching for this site. lol. i just want to know why doubt likes to come into my life when everything seems to be going awesome. i kinda think i want to see my therapist again. she always helped me out real well. so i might have to do that cuz otherwise....i dont really know what to do. and plus...that one guy who i thought i liked...i dont know why but hes still in my brain. i love brandon with everything in me, but hes still there. its annoying i'll be honest. but oh well. i know who i'm supposed to be with so i'll deal. i dont really understand life very much. i love brandon. our relationship was soo awesome. then it got crappy. then it got even better lately. then...i dont know. i'm confused often..but never about how i feel about brandon. hes forever in my heart and that will never change...:( i just want doubt out of my life forever....i gotta pray man cuz all those other times God was there to help me out. so i really hope this time is no different. saturday my friend is having a party. me and brandon are supposed to go. i half want to go. i'll most likely get very drunk...which isnt bad. but i dont know. i feel like my world is slowly crashing down on me...and i almost cant breathe. all i need is a good nights rest..and its not gonna be tonight cuz i gotta get up in like 5 hours. oh well....night time i guess. perhaps a sleep will make me better...man i sure hope so... I Love Brandon