As much as I have said that this past school year has sucked, it didn't. I tend to put down a lot of things that are in my life and I also tend to always look at the negatives. But that's me for you. Well, back to what I was saying..true the past 10 months haven't been my greatest, but they've probably been the time when I learned how to depend more on myself than on others. Everyone knows that I depend on everyone around me. If its getting up with me to go something during lunch or if its just going out somewhere, I need someone with me. A lot has changed for me. I use to be this litte open book but I've realized that a lot of the most impacting things that have happened to me this year I've kept inside of me. Like my Uncle dying back in September. September was my bad month. It started with high school starting on the second, and on that day my uncle died from cancer. (my uncle was someone who raised me when my dad was off at school). then the week after my uncle died, my parents got into one of the worst fights/arguements I've ever seen. Maybe its because whenever they got into an argument I always just ran away from it, locked myself in and blasted my music. But then I grew up. I had my sister and brother who were now witnessing this and seeing their heros screaming and threatening at each other and I realized I couldn't go and hide anymore. I had to be strong for them. I think that's when I started finding my inner strength. The next week, my cousin got shot three times in the chest. he was going to die, suppose to die, but he didn't. He lived. September just wasn't good. And then he came along and made everything ok. He somehow got my mind off of everything. maybe that's why I was so attached to him. I looked to him to make everything bad go away. Because for awhile he did. He was like...my superman. and then he left too. But he chose to leave me. No, we were never official, but we definately had something. I can't deny that anymore. But like I always say, of all bad things, something good happens. I couldn't see it then. I just thought everything was ruined for me. But when I look back on it, I became stronger, for my family, and most important, for me. Now I'm going to be leaving everything behind me. Wisconsin has been like another home for me. THe people here became another family for me. But it's time I left. I just can't see myself here anymore. This is a place filled of memories now. Now its time for me to take everything I've learned here and apply it to a new life. In california... Alright, update on my so-called "love life". He still enters my thoughts sometimes. But I can't help but compare every possible guy that comes along to him. of course he always win. WTF? LOL but um things with West are awkward. I avoid the subject with him as much as I can. Sure West is a sweet guy. He's nice, funny, BUT HE ISN'T THE GUY I WANT. But the guy I want is a screw up. So it doesn't matter. I feel bad. I don't want this to end up like how it did with Matt. LOL oh gosh that was bad. I don't think Matt every found out though. :) I still find it so funny how every single person that we both knew went up to him and told him that I was into another guy and he NEVER believed them. I screw up with every "good" guy that comes my way. Its just something about the "messed-up guys" that has something appealing. Like girls are naturally attracted to them because we want to "help them" so much. FUCK ALL THOSE DAMN MOVIES AND THOSE PERFECT GUYS IN THE MOVIES. the contaiminated our heads. damn.