about two weeks ago there was another huge fight between my mom and i. it was thursday. i called feruzi and he rushed over to pick me up. i didnt want to be home. so much bad stuff was said. that night i went home... not a word to my mom. the next morning i packed my stuff and lindee picked me up. ive been staying there the whole time. i have yet to talk to my mom. i feel that my life is so screwed up right now... ive been unhappy for a long time, with little perks of happiness coming up. i mean, my whole senior year sucked.. i spent a lot of it crying because of my mom or conrad or other stuff. during this time, conrad and i almost broke up. he lied to me but then i stayed out too late for him to handle and he didnt trust me. he "didnt care if we ever talked again." we hung up a lot of time and called back a lot of times. "i didnt do anything wrong but stay out late with my friend, at least when you lie to me or hurt me i give you another chance, and you arent giving me any. so think about that." the next morning, 2:30, he called me and said that he wanted to take a break and just not talk at all. even though i have thought a lot about taking a break, i wasnt up for that. it hurt so bad to hear that. then he tried to get off the phone. i was crying. i didnt want a break, i just wanted him. i wanted to be with him and at that point i was 100% sure of it. then he decided not to but said that he was starting off the day with me to be day one of our relationship. fuck that... we have been through way too much to just forget about it and start over new. things were wierd talking to him after that, it was different. i still dont fully and completely trust him for the fact that he like to drink and i dont want him too. when he drinks he is mean. i gave him one last chance to not lie to me and break that promise... to not hurt me. i said he can drink a little when we are together but if im not there then to not do it. and as soon as we have kids he cant drink anymore. as for my mom. i dont know what to tell her. she use to call me but i never answered. she wrote me a six page letter, typed. i think i will write her back. eventually. i might go with conrad at the end of the month to see his family. for 3 weeks...i think. well i have to get ready to go to work... the bus is a bitch.