i could honestly say that my life has gone to the shits. and there is not much that i can do about it, if there is something... id like to know what it is. the first week of may, my birthday, conrad i were fighting and bickering about everything. saturday was the day the drama team was putting on the skit. that was the same night i met fito (jose). he and i were quickly becoming friends. after the skit we all wanted to go to walmart to do things that would get us kicked out. it sounded fun. but all decided to go to play pool. i rode in his truck and we just talked and so on. we played on the same team during pool and just talked. later we went to IHOP and he sat next to me... poking my leg and tickling me. feruzi knew what was going on. i didnt stop it. i didnt want to. afterwards my mom called because that was now my birthday (sunday). fito and his brother and i went to the strip and drove up and down it 3 times each way. during this time he was poking and tickling me again. i told him that as soon as we get to a red light i would get him back. i did. then he grabbed my hand was holding it. i didnt pull away. i didnt want to. then he drove his brother home and we were just going to drive around and stuff. he pulls me closer to him to sit. but i had to get home. and when we got there he kissed me goodnight. and was going to try to do it again but i pulled away. i didnt want to (kiss him again). it was four in the morning. i felt like throwing up... i was mad at myself for that. sure, i didnt stop it... but i forgot what it felt like to be with someone. i was attracked to this guy. i liked him somewhat. but i knew how much i loved conrad. the next day i was surprised by mari, louisa, and chris. they took me to a 50's restaurant. where the people that work there sing. so they put me in the middle of the room and sang to me. afterwards we all went to scotts house to go hang out and swim.. fito called me and he and his brother came. fito found out about conrad and backed away. when he heard things werent good he came back. he flirted. and splashed... eventually the guys threw me in the pool saying happy birthday. my clothes were soaked. so i was going to wear scotts pants home but they were too big. he was lending everyone his clothes. so fito offered his pants and i accepted. feruzi was going to drive me home but fito needed his pants and said he could drive me home. he did. then i changed, gave him his clothes and we decided to go get ice cream. but he took his brother home and wanted me to meet his mom. i did. it was fast. then we went to get ice cream. he asked me about conrad and said he was in the same situation, kind of. but grabbed my hand. we went for ice cream. holding my hand the whole time. then we drove home. this time he kissed my cheek and left.... the whole week i felt torn. now that i look back i dont know why. sure i like him, but i dont want to like him like that. i mean, he is hispanic with blue eyes. wow. but i am in love. i cant, i wont, just drop that for some guy i met a few days before.... TO BE CONTINUED.