my mom took me to the doctor finally. she thought i was pregnant.... i have a fucking kidney infection. how wonderful is that? its the worst feeling in the world. how did i get it? well it turns out that conrad was sick... and we had sex.. so i got sick. you know... my actions have made him look not so good. since my mom and i have fought about he and i... i have done a lot of lying and sneaking to talk to him... and now, seeing him. which, are all worth it... but she thinks it is him making me do it... everyone thinks he is the one making this good little girl become a liar. when in fact i felt it was the only way to talk to him or be with him because i love him. he didnt make me do anything. he wouldnt either. he wouldnt push me or force me to do anything. he is a great guy and nobody knows that... and its kinda my fault. my mom keeps yelling at me and lecturing me and making me feel guilty... which she should do. but she tried to put thoughts in my head that everyone says they have a bad feeling about him. im not going to believe it. my whole family is disappointed in me. of course everyone knows... my mom has a big mouth. it hurts to know someone is disappointed in you rather than mad at you. but im going to be me whether she knows the new me or not. im sick of being what everyone wants me to be. oops i didnt wait until i was married. i asked for forgiveness. but at least it wasnt with someone i dont even know. it was someone that i was to spend my life with. my bad.