ive been home maybe 20 minutes already. i cant stop crying. i am so completely stressed. i have to worry about graduating and keeping my grades up to please myself and my mom. i dont need her on my ass. not right now. i have this HUGE book to read and 2 different types of reports for them. my guitar teacher embarasses me when he bitches me out... but i dont have enough time to just sit there and practice 24/7 like he does. conrad is coming and i have put myself in this hole where i dont know whether the best way out is to tell my mom or not to tell her that he is coming. i know that if i do she'll be mad and ruin it. fuck. why do i care? why do i worry? but if i dont tell her what if i get caught? then im screwed. i dont know what to do. then i just had all these stupid fucks walk in front of me and i couldnt get around them... and it annoyed me... i told my grandma about it and said that it was mostly mexicans that did it... so i snapped at her. "no grandma. its not mexicans." i am so fucking sick of their racial shit. dont say it... or if you do wait until i leave the room. i dont need to hear it. or put up with it. i have all this homework and i dont have time to do it because i have to go to work tonight. i should be doing it right now but i'd rather vent. tuesday was my first day. i really enjoyed it. the people are really nice. its going to take awhile to get adjusted to everything. so i just dealt with getting drinks ready. today i will learn to make some food. later i will work the register. so whatever.... im not in the mood to go in today. because i am so pissed... what do i do? tell my mom or not? help..... .. . ...