I'm about two weeks into my summer break and the prospects of it being a good one are getting progressively dimmer. The weather has been shit and I doubt I'll hit the beach until June. But, that hardly matters. I'm so unmotivated I can't even beign to explain my self disgust. I haven't touched a paint brush or any other art supply for that matter since the semester finished. I've got a whole mountain of books to read and can't be bothered to pick up a single one. I've got a sewing machiene I've never so much as opened despite my interest in diy. I've put in maybe two or three job applications despite constant nagging to get a second job. I know how much my bank account and slowly withering car need it. If its possible I've become even more socially awkward then ever, which isn't helped by the fact its finally dawned on me that I really only have two friends. Though I am incredibly grateful for them. And, on top of all that I don't even have course work to distract from the fact I truely hate myself.

This part I know is sick, but I do regret not killing myself way back when, when I had no one that cared for me. If only I could make look like an accident.

I'm seriously fucked.

How on earth do I solve this utter lack of motivation to even be alive?