Ya so yesterday sucked basically... Let's see... Where to start... Well on friday my mom told me I had to pay 150 instead of 100 toward the ipod I want so I have to wait. Then I just was unappriciated by them the whole time at the fair. They don't love me anymore I anoy them... I'm a burden just like my dad said... Then saturday it was the band compeitition. To start off things I was supposed to sit with little Ben and I was like e.e. So I get on the bus and there was an empty seat infront of him so I sit there cause I don't wanna sit with him. Then he's all talking like "It's Kristina" you know in that way of disgust. And he never realized that I was right infront of him (he was turned around). So ya... Let's see that sucked. Then when the bus captain made me move I was pissed. Then I moved next to Austin and that was better I just listenend to my music. Then we did the competition and I sat next to Austin durring the awards for some of it. Then we went to finals and durring awards I go to michele and say "Alright I give up" referring to Austin cause I don't know why the fuck he hasn't asked me out yet. So then she goes and talks to him and I didn't know she was going to talk to him but she did. Then I'm like crying in the stands about how sucky my life is. She told me that my friends are always there for me and I was like ya I know. So then on the way home Austin says "You're a great friend but if I was to go out with you I'd kill myself" and I was like wtf! And then I just started crying I was pretty quiet though. I didn't look at him the whole way back except for when he asked questions. He asked me if I was alright and I was like "Ya" in a squeeky voice and he was like "You don't sound alright" in my head I thought "Well what do you think I was just rejected!" So then he said I'm sorry and I just shook my head and didn't look at him. Then I just got off the buss and threw my stuff in some place where noone was at and leaned against the wall and cried. Then I went got my french horn. I was walking fast and trying to not cry around people. I went and grabbed Caroline away from talking with Austin and took her to my little place and we sat there and I talked to her and I felt so stupid! How the hell could I have thought he liked me? I guess I took wrong signals. I will never do this again. I'll have to remember NEVER to let a guy put is arm around me and think it's special... Think he liked me because of the things he did around me. I'll just have to leave it be and not do anything. My heart has been ripped into a million peices. I don't think anyone can fix this right now. I went home and ripped of the drawing I did because of him. The one that said "Repaired Today... Thanks to you..." With the heart with the stitches and the arrow had been taken out and there was no blood. I can't even think straight right now. I just want to curl up and hide. I'm not even caring about anything right now. I'm not telling my parents about it well maybe my mom but I don't know. They don't seem to love me. I just can't take it anymore... Why did this have to happen to me? I just don't get this... At all... I felt like I was dying. I litterally felt my heart being ripped apart. I don't want to see him again. I deleted him from my phone book. And I just don't wanna talk to him. If he tries to do something I don't think I'll accept it. He had his chance and he didn't take it so oh well for him. I guess he's the one losing someone. I'll hopefully find someone else. I'm just sick of my life right now cause all that's gonna happen is this over and over again. I'm sick of it all. The pain right now is hurting so bad... Stop the pain but I can't. I'll stop rambling now. But Anyway have a nice day I won't but who cares about me? ~lizzy