Hurrah. The weekend is almost here. A storm has been blowing through North Carolina so it's been raining off and on all day. Luckily the football game was cancled so I didn't have to do anything this afternoon. I am really enjoying art. I look forward to that class every day; which is something that never happens. Lunch was not so good for me today. I don't know what was going through my head. I was kindof just out of it and not thinking. I know I hurt someone's feelings. Someone I really care about. Which is something I hate doing. Me and my big mouth that I can't keep shut. I guess I was just kindof frustraited with a bunch of stuff at the time. I know I called her a whore. Yes she's right I don't have any room to talk. If anything I'm the fucking whore here. I really don't know what I was saying. Jealousy was probably brewing up again but this time I just didn't recognize it until after I had already spouted shit. Well I didn't mean what I said. I hope she will forgive me. Because yes I am jealous. I want to have a relationship. I want to have my first kiss. I feel like such a loser being sixteen and not even been kissed yet. I mean yeah I've been in relationships but I don't know. Maybe I was too afraid to take it further. Maybe they were too afraid to try. Whatever it was it just didn't work out. Of course I know they wanted to. They told me. I mean I know they loved me alot. I guess I just didn't have much of that feeling towards them and that's why those didn't last. I want a relationship that will last. One that I can actually have someone to love. I'm sick of all this fake shit. So yes I am sorry to her. She knows who she is. After school today I hung around with Joel. My ride left me so I was frantic about getting a ride home. I was about ready to get a ride from Albert if I had to. I really didn't want my mom to ground me again. It's anoying. She grounded me for doing my fucking homework at Arbies. Bitch. Okay well I'm done writing now. I'm gonna do something else now. ~Kristina