I don't understand this. I want it so bad. To be able to speak to someone. I want to be able to say something to them. I just can't. I can't speak when I'm around them. I'm afraid... Afraid of what they'll say what they'll think. I'm afraid they will just ignore me... Maybe they won't even talk to me... They'll probably think I'm anoying. Why can't I just talk to him? I'm so afraid... I'm afriad I'll let something out and he'll leave. I'm afraid to give my trust to anyone... When so many others have broken it. I don't want to let myself escape from my comfert zone. Of course I'd be so happy. I want it so bad to be able to walk up and talk to him. My throat feels soar for I am beging to realize the truth about what I can and can't do. This is one of the can'ts. I just CAN'T talk to him. He'll probably be just like the others and what they did to me. They force me to remain in this box that I can't escape from. I feel the tears coming in my eyes. They are begining to travel down my cheeks. I want to talk to him. I just can't talk to someone that I don't know. Just go up to them. I don't want to be turned down again... It's already happend twice this year so what would change about him. I doubt anything would change. But maybe he is different... Maybe he does have a heart.... Maybe he does know how it feels to be turned down. Maybe we'd have alot in common... I can't build myself up to think this cause I know I won't be able to find out. If one day I could find the courage and be brave enough to just say "Hey" or something... To strike up a conversation with him would be one of the most wonderful things ever. But he probably doesn't even know I exist. He doesn't know me. I don't even know his name... I shouldn't even bother. Last time this happend it never worked out and it never will. Maybe this was meant to be... I'm not meant to have someone who loves me... I'm not meant to love anyone... Today at the mall was really fun guys. So I want to thank you for coming even though I wasn't myself today. I know I was acting funny and I wish for god that I could for once just talk to him. To make him laugh to make him smile to see his smile. To gaze into his eyes. It won't work. So I might as well not try... Thanks for reading this if you did... Oh and just so you know I'm not feeling suicidal right now just feel like crying. I probably need to let it out tonight. Get some crap out of my head and onto paper. Didn't feel like writing a poem tonight it wouldn't be enough... ~Kristina Please, please forgive me But I won't be home again Maybe some day you'll look up And barely conscious you'll say to no one Isn't something missing? You won't cry for my absence I know You forgot me long ago Am I that unimportant? Am I so insignificant? Isn't something missing? isn't someone missing me? Even though I'm the sacrifice You won't try for me not now Though I'd die to know you love me I'm all alone isn't someone missing me? Please, please forgive me But I won't be home again I know what you do to yourself I breathe deep and cry aloud "Isn't something missing?" Isn't someone missing me? Even though I'm the sacrifice You won't try for me not now Though I'd die to know you love me I'm all alone isn't someone missing me? And if I bleed, I'll bleed Knowing you don't care And if I sleep just to dream of you I'll wake without you there isn't something missing? isn't something...? Even though I'm the sacrifice You won't try for me not now though I'd die to know you love me I'm all alone Isn't something missing? Isn't someone missing me? -Evanescence Missing-