Perhaps, really, they are affecting me in the very manner they intended... pulling my teeth in directions and grooves to which they most certainly do not belong. Pish posh, it's hard to understand sometimes why dentists/orthodontists do what they do. I surely would enjoy to be understanding, sadly I am not as seasoned in such an employment. Really, I can use that word, because it is a laborious nature to be understanding, no? I think so, honestly. I do. I do. The mother one is quite hostile... I do detest God's installment of hormones... but then again, I suppose I love them. That sounds very... odd. Jake is to return so much sooner than I am prepared for. I miss him, I do. But I don't know if I'm ready to be involved in knowing someone all over again. I put a lot of effort into that when he was here, when he wasn't... and I have to say, I like Jake being away, he's wonderful to me. Him physically within a fifty mile radius -- there are certainly more opportunties for one to make a mistake, slip up, or hate. Oh the tragedy of love. Is it love? We haven't proclaimed that yet. Yes, we love one another... but is it the deep-seated emotion that moves us... that people idealize, romanticise, and fantasize? Maybe this is what everyone wants. Have I fallen? I'm afraid to stumble. I want it to happen... just so very naturally. In God's will... His hand guiding us, His words speaking through us, His love working in us as we lead separate lives. God will take care of me, this I know. God will protect my heart. But maybe I need a lesson? Maybe I need to lighten up, let it go... let myself be hurt? Pfft, I haven't the slightest clue. And with God, you never really know... he's very... enigmatic. Yes. I love him. With a capital L. Love. I want His majestic love. I think I will truly honestly love Jake // or be IN love with Jake the day I want to share him. That is love. That's what I want. I love God so much and I want everyone to know him. I think I love Jake and I'm so hesitant. Why is that? I need to trust. I do. I need to share. He's not mine, he is God's. God has shared this wonderful young man with me... given me a chance to forge such a strong bond with him... what have I done for God? What on earth have I done to deserve the Masons, my friends, my life? I have sinned, and he still loves me and shares me. Oh God, you Amazing Wonder, my first love that I will not turn away from nor will I lose. They have that saying... you always lose your first love. They don't know God. Yours, Kiera