I really hate this merry-go-round Jake and I have embarked on. It's so cumbersome and obnoxious -- we're both so entirely consumed with how one another acts towards the other. In the span of our actions, we are generally too sensitive to one another. He has pretty much hurt me in ways I never imagined. Not from him, at least. But he did it, so claps to him. It's been awful this past month since we've split. An entire month. I still have those feelings for him... and desires -- and he just tells me to let them go, like he did it with so much ease -- it didn't even phase him. I feel like I didn't mean a whole lot. Though in the end, all we do is care too much about each other. I like him too much. And I can't have him. For some reason, I'm not okay with that. Really, what did I do to deserve this mess? I just wish I never got so deep with him, I wish I didn't tell him everything he knows about me, I wish I didn't let him in that way. He's killing me. Sometimes I wish he observed that fact. Because he says "friend" so easily. I hate this. And I ate too much cake. Seriously, I feel like throwing up.